London, UK - (Calamari Stuff): A UK TV weather man has warned the public not to leave their homes because a giant two mile-wide killer squid from the Architeuthis family is prowling the British coastline - potentially casing the joint ahead of June’s visit by Donald Trump.
It’s the first time London Climate Change Center meteorologists have broadcast such advice, caught on latest cutting-edge sonar equipment, showing the fabled monster menacing UK territorial waters just off the Scilly Isles.
“We’re monitoring its mile-long tentacles and inside arms,” weatherman Luke Sly-Talker commented, “looks like they’re lined with thousands of subspherical suction cups loaded with lethal pilchard-baiting toxins.”
The warning comes amid concerns that Trump’s presidential ScareForce One runabout could be an easy target for the giant slimy beastie whose sophisticated nervous system responds adversely to jet engine contrails.
Spoof readers can track the monster’s progress by logging on to the website’s dedicated Fleeview 666 Channel.
An update follows soon.