Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, Florida. Special to The Spoof. By executive order, issued from his private retreat here, President Donald Trump today proclaimed that Cuba was part of the United States.
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, at the Capitol, was unaware of any immediate plan for implementation of American sovereignty there. However, a flotilla of U.S. naval vessels was assembling in international waters off Havana. Trump's executive order also came as he increased economic sanctions on Cuba.
To reporters, Trump explained that, in a history class he took at Fordham, the professor lectured on Manifest Destiny as justification for territorial expansion.
Cuba, the professor argued, was rightly American territory on two grounds: it was just another one of the Florida keys, a little larger and slightly farther away; and Cuba was there because it was the outwash of the Mississippi River, the topsoil of a dozen or more states carried downstream, into the Gulf, and deposited to create Cuba.
None of the reporters, some of them history majors when in college, had heard that theory.