Men Everywhere Truly Embracing Valentine’s Day

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

image for Men Everywhere Truly Embracing Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day is opening the hearts of men everywhere - and they love it.

No longer considering it a contrived, commercially-motivated holiday to be observed solely out of obligation, men everywhere have come to truly embrace Valentine’s Day, indicates a recent nationwide poll.

One Valentine's Day enthusiast, Harold Brown of Farmington, Connecticut, explained that, as someone eager to avail himself of every opportunity to buy additional nice things for his wife, he appreciates the structure that Valentine’s Day provides.

“I especially enjoy the challenge of exceeding Valentine's Day stereotypes,” said Harold. “I don’t do just flowers or chocolate or balloons or dinner or lingerie; I do all that – and more. I find that Valentine’s Day infuses my marriage with a spark that sustains my wife and me the entire year.”

In a similar vein, Jeff Moreno, a high-profile partner with a law firm in New York City, said that, more than anything, he's come to value Valentine’s Day as a national day of love.

“I can get so focused on making money and commercialism in general," he confessed, "that I can really use the external reminder that relationships are important, too. Kind of like a guardian angel nudging me and saying, hey, give your baby a little lovin’. We all need that.”

Ben Fellow of Tempe, Arizona, agreed. “I don’t think of Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday in the slightest,” he said. “Like anything, it’s an opportunity - to open my heart." Ben added that, while he is embarrassingly uninformed about Saint Valentine himself, he’s become extremely curious about the subject, which he intends to research.

The Valentine's Day poll revealed, too, that the holiday is no longer the exclusive purview of happy couples, but is just as rewarding for singles. For instance, Chris Chase of Nashville, Tennessee, divorced after an unhappy marriage and single for over 12 years, said, “Since I generally stay pretty busy and don’t dwell too much on being totally alone, it’s nice to have an officially prescribed day to reflect on never having found my soul-mate and what that means about me. If not for Valentine’s Day, I might never give myself the chance to do that.”

But what was the biggest takeway from the Valentine's Day poll?

Ken Bartlett, CEO of greeting card company Lovenotes, Inc., which conducted the poll, pointed to the unabashedly positive male views on Valentine’s Day as evidence of the emotional evolution of men in American society.

“It’s incredibly powerful to see how this one day serves to open men's hearts and how much they gain from that experience," he said. "But guys, don’t take our word for it. Give yourself the full Valentine’s Day experience, and see for yourself.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more