Male Ladybug Speaks Out about Gender Identity

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 9 February 2019

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Ever heard of the European corn borer, an insidious agricultural pest? If not, it's thanks in part to manly male ladybugs.

Lester, a male member of the coccinellid species commonly known as the ladybug or ladybird, recently made waves by speaking out about his struggles with gender identity.

"Just because I'm cute and female-friendly doesn't mean I'm a lady," said Lester. "I'm a man!" Leaving no room for doubt regarding his gender identification, he added, "Preferred pronoun: he!"

Lester went on to state that he does not need or even desire special treatment simply for having developed a reputation as being "lucky."

"I may look sweet, but I can hold my own," he said. "I've taken down aphids, scale insects, all kinds of moths. Ever heard of the European corn borer? No? Well, if not, you're lucky, and that's thanks to me. I save American farmers about a billion bucks every year in lost crops. But hey, who's counting?"

Lester further noted that in addition to not being a lady, he's technically not a bug; he's a beetle. "But you can hold onto that tidbit for another day," he said with a resigned sigh. "I know humans can handle only so much in the way of accurate facts."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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