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Men Everywhere Truly Embracing Valentine’s Day

Funny story: Men Everywhere Truly Embracing Valentine’s Day

No longer considering it a contrived, commercially-motivated holiday to be observed solely out of obligation, men everywhere have come to truly embrace Valentine’s Day, indicates a recent nationwide poll. One Valentine's Day enthusiast, Harold Bro...

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Man's Unwelcome Guest Had Cheapfucker Imitation Bag

Funny story: Man's Unwelcome Guest Had Cheapfucker Imitation Bag

In a story published earlier on these pages regarding a man who had to endure an unwanted female houseguest, due to his wife's kindness, I had intended to mention the woman's possessions were stored in a cheapfucker adidas-imitation bag, but I forgot...

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Look at the size of my fish...

Funny story: Look at the size of my fish...

Gary Thatcher Hogbottom, a single man of considerable means, is confused as to why the photos he puts up on Firestarter.web get him no attention from the opposite gender. 'I put up photos of all of the fish I catch,' said the balding, portly forty...

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Joanne and Morgan's Guardian Blind Date Leads to Claim of Sexism

Funny story: Joanne and Morgan's Guardian Blind Date Leads to Claim of Sexism

The participants of The Guardian Weekend’s most recent Blind Date column, Joanne and Morgan, got more than they bargained for after a highly successful evening out propelled the pair into the public eye, and resulted in a claim of sexism by The Guard...

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Monsanto’s First-Ever Genetically Modified Man Proves a Hit with Ladies

Funny story: Monsanto’s First-Ever Genetically Modified Man Proves a Hit with Ladies

The jury is in: Monsanto’s first-ever genetically modified human, who/which was first launched in 2016, and is the only living adult male officially certified to be Roundup-ready, has proven to be a solid hit with the ladies! Monsanto first concei...

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Man in his 30's uploads old photos to dating website

Funny story: Man in his 30's uploads old photos to dating website

Wayne Hemmings, 30 realised that he might have made a mistake uploading photographs to Match.com that were twenty years old. 'I heard it was a common move that people in their 40's and 50's did it, so I did the same thing'. What Wayne didn't re...

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10 Extremely Brutal and Horrifying Things That You Should Never Say on a First Date

WARNING: This article was written by a severely angry, lonely, aging, balding, alcoholic who knows absolutely nothing about dating and who is currently suffering a severe mid-life crisis. It also contains needless and vile descriptions of anal explosions, butt-sex, pre-ejaculatory fluid, and jerking-off. If you consider yourself to be a decent and moral person, you will probably turn your compu...

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Nashville Woman Decides to Put Herself Out There

Funny story: Nashville Woman Decides to Put Herself Out There

Recently, Catherine Parker of Nashville, Tennessee, made the extremely personal decision to put herself out there. “I'm ready,” she said. “This decision didn't come easily, but I've been working on Me for a long time, and it's really paid off. I'm...

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Online Couple Decide to Go on an Actual Date

Funny story: Online Couple Decide to Go on an Actual Date

Happy couple Jake Reed and Marla Moss, who first encountered each other over five months ago on the online dating site Bumble, have decided to take their relationship to the next level and go on an actual date. For the first three months after th...

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Happy Couple Embarrassed to Admit They Met Offline

Funny story: Happy Couple Embarrassed to Admit They Met Offline

Sickeningly-sweet New York City couple, Jason Morley and Carolyn Shea, recently – and reluctantly – revealed to their friends that they met offline, rather than through an online dating site. “We actually met waiting in line at a coffee shop,” sa...

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Frugal Penthouse Playboy Has Trouble Finding Quality Mistress

Funny story: Frugal Penthouse Playboy Has Trouble Finding Quality Mistress

To his dismay, penthouse playboy Earl Cook says that he's encountered unexpected difficulties in finding a quality mistress due to his intense aversion to spending money on anyone other than himself. An impressive example of pull-yourself-up-by-yo...

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New Year's Revelation! New York Woman Realizes Mediocre Sort-Of Relationship Is Worth Sacrificing Everything For

Funny story: New Year's Revelation! New York Woman Realizes Mediocre Sort-Of Relationship Is Worth Sacrificing Everything For

At the age of 33, Giselle Watson of New York City was still single, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why. "Actually, that's not quite true," Giselle admits now with an embarrassed smile, catching herself in her own lie. "I'd let my...

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Online Dating Turns into a Family Affair, Leads to Second Date

Portland. In an attempt to jump-start his dating life, Butch Putts, a freshman at the local college, registered his profile with an online dating site, Last Best Hope Dating, Inc. LBHD is currently offering a 20% discount for first-time daters and a 95% discount for returning daters, who've lost all hope but are willing to give it another try. "At 95% off, what do I have to lose but a little...

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New Girlfriends Require Breakup Fee

Funny story: New Girlfriends Require Breakup Fee

New York City, NY - Women across New York City now require breakup fees before they agree to a second date. The women can demand the fee payment only if the relationship doesn't work out. "It goes like this," said one woman who asked not to be n...

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Ex-Girlfriend Probably Just Marrying That Guy to Make You Jealous

ASHBURN, VA--While browsing Facebook Tuesday, area man Robbie Harrison stumbled upon the account of ex-girlfriend Carrie Close, replete with postings concerning her wedding next April. After careful consideration, Harrison concluded that Close, with...

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Donald Trump Wants To Date Fetus

Funny story: Donald Trump Wants To Date Fetus

In a bizarre and creepy statement, candidate Donald Trump said he would be dating a supermodel's daughter if he were not married. The only trouble is the "young woman" in question is the as yet to be born daughter of supermodel Taylor Kirsten. Wha...

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GQ Poll Shows Women Find Karate Stance Most Sexy

Funny story: GQ Poll Shows Women Find Karate Stance Most Sexy

Washington, DC - a recent study of 3000 women around the globe, found that nearly three quarters of them found men to be sexiest when standing in a thai-chi, karate stance, regardless of ethnicity. This peeked our sexual curiosity around the offic...

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10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

Funny story: 10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

1. I left my wallet at home. 2. Gee, you remind me of my mother. 3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass. 4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan. 5. Love is not sex. 6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do? 7. If I was a woman I'd sta...

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