Kellyanne Conway is getting a divorce! Yay, now she’s available for the rest of us! But the chances of her hooking up with anyone is slim to nil (unless Trump makes her one of his concubines), so Kellyanne doesn’t have a lot of chance at romance.
I put on my old-timey banker’s green visor and got an adding machine and cranked the numbers … now, let’s see, according to my calculations … Leonardo DiCaprio is, what, 50 and his girlfriend is 19. And some have a problem about this. If a MILF at…
CINCINNATI, Ohio - (Satire News) - Tittle Tattle Tonight reporter Pico de Gallo recently spoke on the phone with a 26-year-old woman, who is positively gorgeous. He notes that the law firm receptionist named Susie Periwinkle, told him that her pus…
Well hello there, lovers, this is Sally the Match Maker reminding you that Valentine’s Day is coming and I hope you have a sweetie pie to enjoy the day with. If not, you still have a hand, don’t you? A banana? A corner of a piece of furniture you can…
Cumming Magazine is now running ads for the newest online dating service. The service is called 'Snatch'. Send a Dick photo and they will provide you with attractive women who have a compatible sized Vagina for possible dating. (No more…
A gorgeous Chicago man, recently separated, is looking to get back in the game. The last time he hit on a woman the "stain" on the Blue Dress was wet. He cannot resist "swinging for the fences" with his current triad of pick-up lines: * What w…
I am one of those bright, thoughtless, pretty Butterfly - type Influencers Online - and that apparently attracted me to Harvey, a supercomputer in California. That is what he calls himself. He is considered kinky among the Ai - Set for liking rel…
San Diego resident and self-described ‘Jedi Knight’ Gavin Mullen has been getting increasingly frustrated that his mastery of The Force doesn’t extend to convincing women to sleep with him. Mullen converted to Jediism more than a year ago but is yet…
Following his recent demand for a computer like they have in the Films, the unfortunately named Gavin Williamson (no, not the one) has said he would like a comedy first meeting and or blind date like they in the films. 'Yes' said Gavin, writing on…
Having recently lost 4 and a half stone, Thomas Thompson was feeling good about himself, only for the look of disgust on his date's face to dent his confidence. 'I have a thing for bulkier chaps,' said date Zoe, 'and in his photos Tom was bulkier,…
Of all the girls I dated - lots in my time, which includes now - I'd only been dumped once before. I usually did the dumping. But this time, at 90, I got the full--blown treatment. Right down to having my email BLOCKED! Me! A recognized contributor t…
Socially awkward, and with outdated views, Rodney Fitzmaurice is using the mortifying footage of him from Channel Four's First Date as either an advert or a warning for any potential love interest. 'It shows Rodney being Rodney. Sometimes, he's to…
In a dating tour de force, after being contacted out of the blue by an attractive older woman he’d always had a thing for but had never succeeded in enticing into the sack, 37-year-old Clem Lyons of Nashville, Tennessee, scored the permission of the...
“And we had been getting so close,” said Andy Harding of Nashville, Tennessee, bemoaning the fact that his new live-in girlfriend, Amanda Miller, recently broke it to him that she wanted to start social distancing. “It’s a bummer, no getting aroun...
SAN FRANCISCO - In a bid to stay relevant during the recent global pandemic, the popular dating app, Tinder, has added a new option for those testing positive for COVID-19. “At Tinder, we have a simple mission – that everyone deserves the opportun...
Through a great deal of personal work and group support, Kendra Burke of Charleston, South Carolina, arrived at a point at which she did not need anyone else to be her Valentine; instead, she has become her own Valentine. “It's empowering,” said K...
Despite promising early research results as a potential non-toxic antidote to singlehood, Kyle Strickland of Nashville, Tennessee, failed a non-inferiority trial and ultimately was not approved as Christina Angelo’s new boyfriend. “It’s disappoint...
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