In an almost-unprecedented event, the entirety of the United States seemingly forgot what it was that they were outraged about this morning. The phenomenon hasn’t been experienced since mid-September of 2013, and experts are hard at work to determine if the collective mind-lapse has any relation to weather, season, or possibly everyone having something better to do than be angry about something trivial in the grand scheme of their infinitesimal lives.
Gary Paulson, an Ohio resident and registered republican, was particularly concerned. “I was playing peek-a-boo with my newborn son, when all of a sudden, I couldn’t remember what had been giving me that gut-wrenching feeling to construct an elaborate machine gun nest on top of my roof. It was really eerie.”
But Gary wasn’t the only one affected by the sudden onset of amnesia. Across the nation, reports flooded in from individuals who claimed to have experienced the same circumstance. For instance, Seattle resident and three-time Tofu Chili Cook Off winner Lesley Reed, was driving her mother to a doctor’s appointment when her memory escaped her. “I remember that I was really worried about what the doctor would have to say regarding my mom’s condition, when I realized that there was something I was preparing to protest about before I left the house. I had an awesome idea for a picket sign slogan too, dammit,” she said as she scratched her head. “Still nothing. Oh well, I’m sure it had something to do with Trump. Once I get on Facebook, it’ll come to me.”
Despite the momentary memory outage, it was confirmed that, by 1600 EST, the nation had fully recovered their outrage, and were back on track for a productive day of harboring hatred and hurling venomous grenades of slander toward opposing bunkers. For now, all seems to be back to normal, yet experts are still working diligently to prevent such a catastrophe from occurring again in the future. We will have more on their efforts later.