Jesus Christ Wants U.S. To Deport The Undocumented

Written by Keith Shirey

Sunday, 23 November 2014

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HE WANTS UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS DEPORTED

Senator Ted Crap (R-TX) this week has called President Obama a "dictator" and GOP House Speaker Boner termed him an "emperor" over his executive order to shield 4 million undocumented immigrants from deportation.

Senator Crap said that Obama is "Just like Hitler and Stalin." Speaker Boner said that he reminded him of the emperors Caligula and Nero.

"Barak Obama is burning down America just as the ancient Roman emperor Nero burned Rome," said Boner who is nicknamed, "The Dick."

The Texas Senator, Crap, said that " Obama is full of it. I know that Obama's orders will stop immigrant families from being broken up through deportation. But the U.S. constitution forbids any stopping of tearing away illegal immigrants from their infants, babies and children who are citizens because they were born in the U.S."

"It a matter of constitutional law and we all know that that law comes from Jesus Christ who was present at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia in 1787," Said Senator Crap.

He continued, "Christ wants the 8 thousand children who are U.S. citizens with foster families because their parents have been deported to cry for his mercy and to believe in Him. They will be comforted." Of course Senator Cruz's beliefs are informed by his father, the Rev. Rafael Crap, a Cuban immigrant, who says that the U.S. government is controlled by the devil and that Christians should work for a nation only governed by Christians.

Speaker Boner, while being more secular that Crap, is just as dismissive of the undocumented immigrants. He said, "Sure they have contributed $45 billion over 5 years in payroll taxes to the U.S. economy but that could be done by U.S. citizen children if we just repeal child labor laws."

"The kids could pick our crops, build our houses, clean our toilets, pluck our chickens, work for McDonalds and do other work illegal's now do. That would really help our free enterprise system of government."

"Children today are too lazy just playing video games, watching porn, and masturbating while sexting. We need to teach them the value of hard work," said "The Dick."

Rev. Rafael Cruz agreed when told of Boner's suggestion. "I'm sure that my son Senator Ted agrees that the war on illegal's will eventually be a war on pornography and sexual deviance," said the man of the cloth.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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