Mr. Boehner explains XL pipeline

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 20 November 2014

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Oil spills boost employment via clean up workers

Speaker of the House Mr. Boehner has shown some impatience with the Senate in refusing approval of the XL pipeline program.

The controversy will return in January with the new Republican majorities in Congress, leaving a possible veto by President Obama.

Mr. Boehner reviewed the situation in the House of Representatives yesterday.

He maintained the XL pipeline project should go ahead because it will provide temporary work for some pipeline construction workers and related support industries for two years.

When completed it will create 50 new permanent jobs. It will not provide additional oil for the US or influence prices downward.

Pollution of the territory's aquifers is a risk well worth taking, according to Mr. Boehner, while touching the wood of the rostrum three times.

Moreover, carbon-based fuel is not going to go away given how many automobiles currently require this resource.

As to climate change, Mr. Boehner concurs with those Americans who believe the problem is over-stated.

Science is all very well but it doesn't put bread on the table for most average Americans.

Besides, scientific minds are well-known as lackeys to academic communities who need something to lecture others about, regardless of impact on the economy.

Along with the XL pipeline project comes a vast opportunity to mine a tremendous amount of dirty oil instead of bothering with fly-by-night dreams for the future in terms of alternate power.

According to Mr. Boehner, America has never been inclined to look ahead "further than the nose on its face" and is not about to start now.

And this applies in all sorts of ways, as with new wars, which are also useful to boost the economy.

But not to drift from the point, the XL pipeline project is a gift from Nature too good to pass up.

A little flaming tap water should not be taken too seriously.

Bottled water is available.

In fact, we're all somewhat polluted these days anyway. It is an inevitable outcome of being part of a modern world that needs to look backwards instead of forward.

Mr. Boehner paused, adding, "Make that forward instead of backwards."

And make no mistake: the Republican Party, too, is interested in the color green.

Finally, all objections to the Keystone XL project are founded in hysteria that has nothing to do with common sense.

Even if the project does cause a mess, this simply means more jobs and money to help clean it up.

Health issues mean more medical insurance, more doctors, hospitals, and ambulances.

Look at it this way, as well as medical opportunities, destroying environment creates more transportation and new housing projects.

A lose-lose proposition is simultaneously a win-win!

At this point Mr. Boehner stepped away from the rostrum to rising applause in the House of Representatives.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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