The British government today announced that millionaires and people who earn tons of money will be given free money, cars, fridges and holidays, to enable them to use the money saved to help the poorer in society.
Richie the Rich told our reporter that he was beating his gardener for accidentally chopping a rose bush when a government van with the words “Free Lolly” stopped outside his gates and two men marched up his 200 foot driveway carrying a chest full of dosh, which he gladly received.
Other well-to-do people received less generous gifts. Fraser the Miser, who waters his gold bullion twice a day in the hope that it will grow but never spends it, happily received a free Porsche, which he plans to let others view – on payment of an admission ticket.
The government insists there’s a method to this madness, with Prime Minister Liz Truss saying “We are absolutely clear that by giving extra money to rich people, we will be helping the economy, because they will buy goods and services with the additional wealth we give them, and eventually, maybe in a year or two, the economy will grow, and a poor person might get a job on minimum wage.”
The International Monetary Fund, which has criticized the government's policy, explained "trickle down" economics. A spokesman said "Imagine you are standing outside on a cold and windy day. And some well-off bastard standing upwind from you relieves himself. The warm spray you get in your face prevents you freezing to death, but it's still someone else's pee."