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Ode to the Rich and Famous!

Funny story: Ode to the Rich and Famous!

Written under my bridge somewhere in Amsterdam: My buttocks have no skin left, my feet dangle in the passing, pristine, ice cold waters of Amsterdam's polluted canals attempting to stop a rusty, discarded bike, thrown over a railing by a discarded junkie. My flea bitten mongrel just shat on my blanket made up of De Algemeen Dagblad, slightly yellow, and now my sore arse will have to be cleaned...

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US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

Funny story: US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

One Sunday morning in Spring, David O'Malley interior decorator living alone in a run-down apartment in New York woke from a royal Irish hangover and set about reviving himself. Long since divorced from a childless marriage he had been living alone for over twenty years in bondage to a life of routine hard graft, restless sleep and the ritual weekend binges with his work mates in The Black Sham...

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Want to be Rich?

Funny story: Want to be Rich?

In a recent survey of successful people UR-FUKT Magazine discovered what it takes to really "be somebody". Business editor Eileen Dover said she was amazed at just how many beliefs the rich and powerful had in common, many of them held with passionate conviction. So here is a compilation of ten of their responses for your inspiration. 1. Never give a sucker an even break. You do people...

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A Billion Bucks Not Enough!

Funny story: A Billion Bucks Not Enough!

American oil billionaire Harold Hamm offered to settle his bitter divorce battle with his ex-wife by having a hand-written cheque for $1.2 billion delivered to her lawyers,... which she refused. In a November ruling last year Mr. Hamm was ordered by...

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Hefner's Wife Tells All

Funny story: Hefner's Wife Tells All

Former Girl of the Playboy Mansion Kendra Wilkinson has been telling her "I'm a Celeb" mates about her time as Hef's girlfriend. She told her jungle pals that sex with Hef wasn't obligatory and that the girls had a choice, but that "they did tend...

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Enraged Obama Fights Against Dems & GOP

Funny story: Enraged Obama Fights Against Dems & GOP

WASHINGTON - A new budget deal negotiated by senate majority leader Harry Reid (D Nev) and republicans will be vetoed by President Obama if necessary. Under the terms of the $444 billion agreement, lawmakers would phase out all tax breaks for clean...

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No Problem That Rich Get Richer In U.S.

Funny story: No Problem That Rich Get Richer In U.S.

The jobless rate has fallen to 6% in figures released by the government. President Obama responded, "lot of good stuff is happening in the economy but some minor challenges remain." Said Secretary of Labor, Bud Costello, "The minor glitches in th...

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Nation's Homeless Aspire to Become as 'Dead Broke' as Clintons

Funny story: Nation's Homeless Aspire to Become as 'Dead Broke' as Clintons

Atlanta - By now, it's become public knowledge that the Clintons have had a tough life these past twenty years. The struggle they have faced as multimillionaires is well documented and admirable. The ability to "pull oneself up by their bootst...

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We Are the 0.99%: Rich Protest the Rich/Super-Rich Income Gap

LOS ANGELES-According to a new study from the Brookings Institution, the income gap between the rich and super-rich has reached its largest margin in a century. This revelation has sparked outrage among the (almost) richest people in the country.

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Billionaire Claims He Is Getting Stupider

Funny story: Billionaire Claims He Is Getting Stupider

A billionaire fashion designer says scientists have found a way for him to spend a lot of money on something totally impossible and ridiculous. Bahamas resident Peter Nygard says he is receiving stem cell therapy and that a study from the Univer...

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Goldman Sachs Rich Employee's Comments Exposed

Funny story: Goldman Sachs Rich Employee's Comments Exposed

Goldman Sachs tattletale Steve Strong has been exposed. He's the guy that overheard remarks of Goldman employees on the elevators going to its offices. Now his identity is no longer a secret. His twitter account @Goldman Gossip has had a huge audience of people who view remarks made the Sachs workforce. Now that's he's out of business, Goldman Sachs has lifted the ban on company-impose...

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Billionaire defense of wealth road tour stunned by audience response and awards program

Funny story: Billionaire defense of wealth road tour stunned by audience response and awards program

Led by Thomas "Kristallnacht" Perkins, representatives of The Rich are using their pin-striped private jets to fly to large auditoriums around the USA and defend their wealth. Also attending are billionaire Samuel "the one percent work harder" Zel...

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President Obama Warns That If He Does Not Raise The Taxes On The Rich The Welfare System Will Run Out of Money

Funny story: President Obama Warns That If He Does Not Raise The Taxes On The Rich The Welfare System Will Run Out of Money

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama speaking before a group of Hollywood stuntmen and women in the Oval Office told them that he truly admires the great work that they do. He praised them for leaping from moving trains, dangling from buildings 80 s...

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Duck Dynasty Family Signs Up For Obamacare!

Funny story: Duck Dynasty Family Signs Up For Obamacare!

The bearded and possibly inbred Robertson clan from "Duck Dynasty" signed up for Obamacare this morning with little to no trouble, says a family spokesperson. "It took like twenty minutes tops for the whole family!" said distant second cousin Red...

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Capitalists offer Pope executive positions with pipeline companies plus mansion with female services

Funny story: Capitalists offer Pope executive positions with pipeline companies plus mansion with female services

Spokespersons for both sides in the recent conflict generated by the Pope have rushed forward with hands outstretched and wide smiles. According to his spokespersons, the Pope is considering how to respond to recent offers from global financiers i...

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Bozo Bojo in Faux-Pas No-No

Funny story: Bozo Bojo in Faux-Pas No-No

Boris Johnson's laissez faire approach to inequality and links to intelligence levels have been applauded by a group representing council estate dwellers who are keen to implement his theory in every sphere of life. The Mayor of London gave a spee...

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Circuit Boards Are Back!

Funny story: Circuit Boards Are Back!

Circuit boards have made a breathtaking return to technology, Nokia has confirmed. 'I really like Circuit boards. They've made me the person I am today. Rich and successful. I really like them because they look so cool. So I hang them on the wall...

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Mitt Romney Vows That Tax Cuts Will Start With Millionaires

Funny story: Mitt Romney Vows That Tax Cuts Will Start With Millionaires

LANCASTER, Ohio - Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into Lancaster, Ohio, the town that was named after Lancaster, Laos. He told a crowd of semi-enthusiastic independents that if he is elected president he will keep...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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