England celebrates Infection Day

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 16 July 2021

image for England celebrates Infection Day
Never in the field of British history have so many idiots elected such a useless arsehole

It’s Infection Day in England on the 19th of July, where anyone who hasn’t had COVID yet is invited to go outside and get it.

It is part of the government’s new pandemic strategy to “Get COVID Done”. Many other countries, with levels of vaccination similar to the UK's, are not opening up so quickly.

"I’m fed up of listening to government advice,” said anti-vaccine protestor Geoff Prick. “So I was delighted to hear the government now advising us to stop wearing masks.”

Scientists and virus experts warn that social distancing should remain for some time. There are risks of more variants appearing, as well as long COVID, which causes long term health problems. The government in Westminster do not appear to be listening.

In a speech this week intended to stir up memories of Churchill, Boris Johnson said, "Even though large tracts of Europe continue to fight the pandemic, we shall give up now and let COVID wash over us.

"We shall get infected on the beaches, we shall get infected on the landing grounds. We shall get infected in the fields and in the streets. We shall in effect surrender."

He added, "I'd rather die in a ditch than have to tell my rabid Tory supporters to maintain simple hygiene measures. Unless of course there is an inevitable backlash and I change my mind, but surely that can’t happen again!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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