Dear Auntie Spoof: "Where can I buy a mask for me?" by Xenomorph Mavis Davidson

Funny story written by Ben Macnair

Friday, 9 July 2021

image for Dear Auntie Spoof: "Where can I buy a mask for me?" by Xenomorph Mavis Davidson
Look lively lads, its Mavis

Hello,

Mavis Davidson here. You may remember me from my starring role in Alien, Aliens, Aliens 3, Aliens 4, Alien Ressurection (the one with Winona Ryder) and other cinematic delights. I had a starring role in Tremors 7, and you sometimes see me in an episode of Friends.

Anyway, as you may know, both my blood and my breath are acidic, which as well as making dates difficult, also means that I work my way through a lot of masks. I mean, I just have to breathe on them once, and big, massive holes appear.

What am I supposed to do? If someone could design a lightweight mask, made out of metal, or lead or something, I would be most grateful.

Anyway, must get off to work. Those accounts won't do themselves, will they?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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