Man Accused Of Being Pompous

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 18 November 2020

image for Man Accused Of Being Pompous
Billingsgate acting in an advisory capacity earlier

A man who was accused by another man of being 'pompous' in the forum section of a satirical news website, isn't really pompous, it's been claimed.

In his 'Ode to this brain-dead Graveyard', writer Jaggedone wrote:

"A place that I once cherished and fed
Is now a graveyard of non-fun, non-wit, dead!
The cause of this is quite obvious
A Monkey so arrogant, so perfect, and pompous"

Analysts have said they think the "Monkey" is, indeed, none other than the aforementioned editor Monkey Woods, and that the "graveyard of non-fun" is the site itself, though quite how Jaggedone thinks he "fed" it is unclear.

Woods said:

"It's possible he thinks I'm being a bit pompous because of the way I always have to talk to him like a headmaster talking to an unruly pupil, which he is - very unruly! But I am not at all pompous. In fact, there isn't a bone in my body that contains even a trace of pompousness."

Referring to this "Monkey", Jaggedone added:

"The reason why I find him intolerable
Is, his drive to perfectionism is quite horrible
A Spoof site for fun, laughter and jest
Destroyed by a primate who believes he's the best"

Editor Woods said:

"It's almost as if he thinks perfectionism is a negative attribute, somehow tarnished and evil. I might be a bit overbearing at times, but certainly not with his stuff! Anybody else's, but not his!"

But the owner of, Mark Lowton, doesn't feel the site has been destroyed - not by its editor anyway. He said:

"I don't feel the site has been destroyed - not by its editor anyway."

Woods then reflected on Jaggedone's next statement that he "despise[s] all forms of elitism", by agreeing with him.

"I agree with you," he said.

Woods was then forced to stand silently by and take blow after blow of this torrent of punishment from the scathing tongue of his antagonist, before sinking under the deluge when he read this:

"Over an arrogant primate with his head up his rear
To his pedantic drive for perfection, I will never adhere"

Woods knew he could never win; could never convert the renegade Jaggedone to using clear, correct English; could never persuade him to embrace the language in its current accepted form. In the past, the writer has spoken about how he, like Vincent van Gogh, has refused to conform to accepted ways of doing things, and how he would never give in, even if that meant people could not understand what he was on about.

He sighed. Maybe Jaggedone was right. Who cares about spellings? Who cares about writing being grammatically correct? Punctuation is ridiculous! And who is really bothered about reading something that is correct, rather than a mish-mash of ideas cobbled together in a stream-of-consciousness manner, by someone who tells his stories, complete with 'behind-the-hand' asides, like a bloke telling you something 'dodgy' in a pub.

To Jaggedone's final salvo, a mad railing against anybody, it seemed, from the USA:

"You and your Trump-ed up friends can stick it
Prevert, my butt, total American SHIT!
Adios, goodbye, I'm happy to leave
Don't cry for me, or bereave
I know you wont..."

another writer, Dr. Billingsgate, had added:

"Good riddance! Don't let the door hit you in the ass going out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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