Men put Heating On when it's Cold study reveals

Funny story written by cadders

Wednesday, 30 September 2020

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By 'eck pet. It's gettin a bit chilly

As Autumn approaches and temperatures start to wain from the record summer highs of "Cold and Damp" to a mere "Bloody Freezing", a recent study has shown that men like being warm - even big, hard northern blokes.

Statistics show that at least three southern poofters from Newcastle have admitted defeat and put the central heating on. And it isn't even Christmas yet!

It has also been revealed that one man in Dorset actually knows what a thermostat is, whilst another, in Swansea, has admitted to understanding the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit.

In other shocking statistics, it has been shown that men from Surrey are immune to lower temperatures. How else can their year-round obsession with shorts and designer sunglasses be explained?

It has also been found that men from Lincolnshire are amongst the hardiest and toughest, as nobody there knows what central heating is anyway, preferring to refer to it as "Devil's Magic".

In Yorkshire, only one man has admitted to being a bit of a soft southern ponce, but, after further investigation, it was found that he was originally from Hampshire anyway.

The study also dispels the long-held belief that Midlands men are amongst the softest. The statistics were skewed by two shandy-drinking southern pansies who fell asleep on the 9:30 from Euston.

In other news, Mancunians have begun a campaign to have the words "sunshine", "summer" and "literacy" removed from the dictionary.

Statistics from London are not yet available, as the researchers are still struggling to find anybody there who won't stab them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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