Man Considering Future In Landscape Gardening

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 20 September 2020

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Resembling Belfast after a flood, it might benefit from some attention

A man who saw his back garden become a lake as it was submerged during a torrential downpour of rain over the weekend, has said he is considering his future employment prospects, and may decide to venture into the world of landscape gardening.

Moys Kenwood, 57, stood sullenly by and watched whilst the monsoon made his garden disappear on Saturday.

The only beings that enjoyed it appeared to be the family's ducks, who carried on, unperturbed.

On Sunday morning, however, after much of the water had been absorbed into the ground, Kenwood had a 'light bulb moment', and saw possibilities in a rearrangement of the property.

He said:

"I could see that clearing away all the rubble, weeds, drinks cans and bottles, plastic bags, broken kids' toys, rusty old bicycles, half-bricks, handbags, lone shoes and socks, and other dumped waste might give me space to plant flowers, and maybe a banana tree or two."

According to a gardening show he once watched during the daytime when there was nothing else on, he might like to put up an arbor shielded by conifers, and develop herbaceous borders. There might even be room for a water feature with decorative rocks.

His wife suggested he could create an area with a vegetable patch for her.

This was all a bit premature, however.

"I'll have to get rid of all that old shit and clobber first," he muttered.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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