For years it has been a vague Tory promise to level the North, promoted endlessly by the PM as a hopeful slogan. This week the detailed plans have finally been published in a fifty page report, and Northerners are unlikely to be pleased. It explai…
As Autumn approaches and temperatures start to wain from the record summer highs of "Cold and Damp" to a mere "Bloody Freezing", a recent study has shown that men like being warm - even big, hard northern blokes. Statistics show that at least th…
A man has said he is furious that his appearance, mannerisms, clothing and pet dog have marked him out for social stereotyping by 'southerners'. The man, Maurice Enscombe, who can regularly been seen out in the cobbled streets of Dewsbury, West Yo…
Burnley has long been the home of flat caps, whippets, ferrets down trousers, and miserable Northerners moaning about them queers down in London. However, during the recent general election, Burnley turned an ostentatious blue, and its residents are...
A government source revealed, last night, that every man, woman, and child over the age of 5 living in the north of England will be gifted a whippet dog as a token of gratitude for helping Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, win last week's election with...
Archaeologists have uncovered the remains of a medieval "Beast Market", the equivalent of a modern day Farmer's Market beneath a demolished Satanic Mill in the Kirkgate area. The find is classed as 23b (mundane) in significance. "This find will br...
Another "Hadrian's Wall" is to be built just north of Watford so that David Cameron, George Osborne and the rest of the Royal Family can completely forget about Northerners and Welsh and Scottish people. Suddenly being reminded about the Norther...
Tests carried out on Scunthorpe Mecca Bingo enthusiasts show a level of Haemorrhoid problems one tenth of the National average. Some link to the curative properties of pork pies from a public house at the rear of the Bingo Hall has been made. Onl...
Following the latest chapter in the bizarre story of British weather, the government has taken the unprecedented decision to deregulate the weather. This comes after ten sizzling days in March,the wettest April since 17BC, one of the coldest and wind...
Bishops Stortford, the Conference North's most southerly team are slowly adjusting to life being classed as 'Northern'. "There's been a few changes," said Bishops's chief executive, Mannie Handled. "For a start, the proposed sale of land adjacent...
Access to Northern England has been cut today while police wait for all the mad people to calm down Only last week, the Council for Northern England announced last week that Cumbria and Northumbria are Britain's favourite locations for going insa...
So a friend of mine, Dino, asks me if I want to go Canoeing. I says sure but I've never heard of any nightclub called Canoeing. He says it's up North, past the highway, let's give it a try. Well I'm game for pretty much anything. We hop in the Civic and away we go. After about two hours of driving, I'm not seeing any nightclubs. In fact, I'm not seeing anything but rocks and goddamn trees. My g...
The constituency of Salford and Eccles have re-elected Hazel Blears as their Member of Parliament. Miss Blears rose to fame during 2009 MPs' expenses scandal and has now been duly re-elected by local voters. Miss Blears, is an ex Communities Secre...
The north/south divide: is it a myth, or is there something deeeper going on here that lesser mortals can't quite grasp? Analysts are pretty certain that a rift was formed under the governance of Mrs Thatcher, as she effectively shut down the nort...
A complete prick from the town of Wigan today spat on his shoe, accidentally, in attempt to look 'hard'. The incident occurred at approximately 8.00 pm last night near Rick Astley's chippy. The man, identity unknown, was either intimidated by my g...
There was a gay old atmosphere at Boundary Park last night, when Oldham Athletic took to the field in their new all-pink kit in support of Homosexuality, which is raging out of control in the Lancashire town. The visitors for the League One encoun...
Hot on the heels of a Welsh woman's suspended prison sentence on charges of allowing a three year old to smoke cigarettes, which amounted to child abuse, a Lancashire youth contacted TheSpoof.com today. Ovenchips Slackthwaite, 15, of Burnley openl...
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