TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (Sports Satire) - CBS Sports is reporting that the Florida Alliance of High School Sports has just issued a statement that every high school in the Sunshine State is having their round ball season cancelled.
Ted F. Boxbreaker, with the FAHSS, said that the number of players who have come into contact with the Coronavirus would mean that some teams would only have 3 or 4 players on their squad.
Boxbreaker added that any high school team who is caught playing a secret game in some out-of-the-way location, will cause the school to lose it’s scholastic accreditation.
He went on to say that the coaches will be fired, and the players will all be expelled for the entire year and then prevented from dating on campus.
Coach Midas "The Touch" Dingwall, of Pensacola’s General Stonewall Jackson High School, said that he has talked to several other coaches, and they would be willing to play games on a 3-on-3 player setup basis.
He was told that the state’s legal department frowned on that idea, citing liability issues, plus the fact that the games would most likely be totally void of any defense whatsoever, and would therefore be about as exciting as watching the tide roll in and roll out again.
So, it appears that the state’s high school basketball players will have to be put into other classes, such as Home Economics, Building Trades, or Beginners Ballet.