Fears of a Second Covid19 pandemic are being started

Funny story written by Gary Potter

Thursday, 30 July 2020

image for Fears of a Second Covid19 pandemic are being started
A person falling 3000 feet off a cliff onto craggy rocks. Cause of death - covid19

Following the disappointing spring pandemic of Covid19, the mass media are stoking fear that a second wave could be launched within just weeks.

The BBC and Sky news, especially, are wanting to spread panic and fear amongst the population. But what is Covid19?

Covid19:
Covid19 is an anagram of 'slight cough'. Most people with Covid19 don't know they have it or have had it, but apparently it is important to know. The virus can be deadly to those who have underlying conditions, such as old age or pre-existing diseases.

Symptoms:
The primary symptom is nothing. If you suspect you have nothing, you could well be infected. More severe symptoms may develop such as a cough or fever.

Treatment:
Treatment involves a complex regime of staying at home for 14 days. If in the unlikely event that the cough becomes severe, you are advised to consult the special Covid19 website, where, like any other severe disease, a hospital admission may be required.

Preventing Covid19:
Wash you hands - if you never normally wash your hands, now might be a good time to start

Stand 2 metres away from other people - a magical forcefield exists around each person which makes transference beyond 2 metres impossible. This has become known as 'social distancing'

Wear a covering over your nose and mouth - although totally ineffective, this visual cue reminds others that you are playing the Covid19 game. A virus in comparison to the holes in a face covering are miniscule, so, to encourage compliance with non-players, it is best to shame them into thinking they are heartless, and are trying to kill others by not wearing a covering. Use the line that it stops the normal practice of sneezing or coughing on others if all else fails. Wearing a face covering is now mandatory in UK shops unless you work in that shop, in which case you are immune to Covid19. Others immune from Covid19 in shops are those who cannot wear a mask for whatever reason and the under 11s - again immune from Covid19. If you go into a food shop to eat, you do not need a mask to eat inside, but if you plan on taking the food out of the shop to eat, a mask becomes neccessary. Covid19 does not transfer in pubs or gyms as of 24th of July 2020 by government legislation.

Outlook:
The encouraging statistics are that over 99% of people recover from the virus itself. Unfortunately, other side effects like mass unemployment, depression and anxiety are very likely. If you have any other medical conditions apart from Covid19, you are unlikely to receive any treatment, and your condition will likely deteriorate. Stay safe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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