Adam Silver, Strip Clubs, and the NBA Bubble

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Wednesday, 29 July 2020

image for Adam Silver, Strip Clubs, and the NBA Bubble
A basketball earlier

The first publicized incident about a break in the bubble rules involved Dwight Howard, who plays for the Lakers, the team generally considered most likely to win the NBA championship. The second publicized incident involved Lou Williams, who plays for the Clippers, the team generally considered to be the second most likely to win the NBA championship. Williams apparently visited a strip club last week, and his actions were discovered only because a friend of his, who also apparently has more testosterone than brains, chose to share a picture of Williams at the club on social media.

One might think that it should be easy locating bubble rule breakers. Dwight Howard, for example, is almost 7 feet tall and weighs about 275 pounds. He is not exactly going to fade into the background. Lou Williams, though, is about 6’1”. That makes him easy enough to miss, and raises an obvious question: If players on the Clippers and Lakers are violating the COVID-19 protocols, what might players on teams which have absolutely no chance of winning the championship, such as the New York Nets or Washington Wizards, be doing, and what might the NBA be doing about what its players might be doing?

There is obviously a lot of money at stake here. NBA teams will lose hundreds of millions of dollars if the season isn’t finished as planned. There’s also a lot at stake for those who have a -250 or -300 bet on the NBA finishing the season as planned.

We hope to have more on this later. All we know for now is that Adam Silver, the frustrated NBA commissioner, is considering options ranging from allowing a strip club in the bubble to requiring all players to wear ankle bracelets that can be constantly monitored. Meanwhile, we are told that Silver is spending most evenings at Orlando area strip clubs looking for players who are violating the COVID protocol. The next couple of months should be interesting.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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