British teams are considering name changes in response to sensitive public opinion.
‘Public opinion is like a powder keg,' said the Arsenal chairman. 'If we get this wrong, the result could be explosive.’
Manchester City’s new owner, Billy O’Lox, the proprietor of various women-centred businesses, said, ‘I’m opposed to the male centric name of the club, and a local sex exploitation support group feels that part of our name, ‘...chest...’, has inappropriate connotations.’
Billy owns the pole dancing clubs ‘Miss Chesty Tity’s Biguns’, and ‘Nipples & Knockers’, and is hoping these will inspire a new football club name. ‘There’s an idea on the tip of my tongue, but nothing’s come to mind yet, but I do want empowered women at the centre of the club's new image,’ said an enlightened Billy.
Wolverhampton Wanderers could be considered a deceptive name, as they haven’t moved from the same ground since 1889. The proposed ‘Stationary Town in the West Midlands’ may be a bit long, but as one shareholder said, ‘It does have the benefit of avoiding any association with Wolverhampton.’
West Ham United, concerned about the ‘Ham’ reference considered ‘Pork’, ‘Piggy’ and ‘Bacon’, but felt those alternatives didn’t quite cut the mustard.
In the end, the club is to simply move down the Thames, and be renamed East Ham United. ‘So problem solved,’ said the club's sponsor ‘The Happy Hammy Piggy Pork Pie Company’.