Baby Given Stupid Name

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 8 July 2020

image for Baby Given Stupid Name
Row-nah-do in 2019

It's always a blissful experience when babies are born, with parents gazing lovingly at their new addition, its beautiful eyes, adorable nose, little fingers and toes, and, in order to cause maximum embarrassment to its grandparents, wondering what kind of splendidly- ridiculous name they can saddle the child with.

And that's exactly what happened in one out-of-the-way place on Monday, after a baby boy was born only moments into the new day, looking sheepish and bemused at his lowly surroundings.

The parents, both 19, and merely youngsters themselves, fussed over him, and revealed to the group of wellwishers that the name this individual would go by for the entirety of his time on Earth, would be Ronaldo.

The same as the former Manchester United and Real Madrid footballer, who now plays for Juventus.

Albeit pronounced, in the local accent, as Row-nah-do.

Which, frankly, was unexpected.

There was a stunned silence amongst the wellwishers. They then spent ten minutes rolling the name around their mouths in the same way English football commentators used to struggle with Tomáš Rosický, Karol Podborsky, Danny Shittu, and Peter Ndlovu.

Eventually, the father of Row-nah-do, who is an avid player of FIFA19 and other hand-held football games, gave them the correct pronunciation, and all was well.

Until the baby grows up and realizes where his name came from, that is.

Then there'll be mutterings.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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