Funny satire stories about Arsenal

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Football Gossip: Hibs, Arsenal "Hippy Crack", Tevez, Mourinho?

Funny story: Football Gossip: Hibs, Arsenal "Hippy Crack", Tevez, Mourinho?

Hibernian defender Ryan Porteous has denied that head coach Neil Lennon has lost the dressing-room after a run of seven games without a win. Said Porteous "I can categorically confirm that it was still there after morning training". Arsenal player...

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Football Gossip, more tales for September

Funny story: Football Gossip, more tales for September

Arsenal's Switzerland defender Stephan Lichtsteiner, 34, has rubbished reports of retirement and claims he has the body of a 28-year-old and that body belongs to his girlfriend, Brazilian pornstar Fifi La Bumba. Lichtsteiner has made one substitute a...

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Football Gossip. September 2018

Funny story: Football Gossip. September 2018

Manchester United has denied that its fans created a crowd funding campaign to get manager Jose Mourinho jailed in Spain for tax fraud. United's executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward admitted that he had paid personally for an appeal to increase the so...

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Arsenal Faces TV and Radio Blackout as Commentators Threaten Boycott

Funny story: Arsenal Faces TV and Radio Blackout as Commentators Threaten Boycott

"We've had enough of this bollocks" so said national treasure and football hero, John "Motty" Motson in his capacity as the newly anointed chair of campaign group Football UK Commentators (FUKC). Motty came out fighting today as Arsenal FC announced...

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Arsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement

The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...

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Arsenal V Koln

Arsenal kicked off their UEFA Eu-Hopeless league campaign with a disastrous 3-1 home win against FC Koln. In a match that will be remembered for its intense crowd violence long after all the gutless players for Arsenal die from having no guts. An...

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Arsenals Date Change

Arsenal football club are a team, nay a city, in crisis! The club which has only won three FA cups in four years is on the verge of collapsing because of its lack of recent success. The big question is how will Arsenal players cope with playing on a...

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Jose's Mindset

Who would have thought throwing £300million at a team would change them from a terrible one to a decent one? Well everyone except Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho who firmly believes the sun revolves around his giant ego. The only surprise now...

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Cash conscious Arsenal's no cost, new player plan, gets the red card from Wenger!

Funny story: Cash conscious Arsenal's no cost, new player plan, gets the red card from Wenger!

The Arsenal board of directors voted overwhelmingly to provide long serving coach Arsene Wenger with the extra resources he requested to find new talent. They unanimously agreed to do this, by giving their supporters a chance to play in home games...

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Pre Season Permutations

Pre season for footballers is completely insane. Respected journalists lose their shit at hearing a drunk man at a bar saying Ronaldo is going to Juventus. People believe that players are moving clubs just because one of their social media team has l...

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Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

Funny story: Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

A sad, humble bunch of spineless, blank-firing Gunners led by their French fumbling manager got blown away yesterday by a flock of ravaging Eagles at the Palace last night! Now normally managers would concede honorably to such a defeat but, Messr...

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Transfer Speculation Part Three

More transfer news coming at you quicker than a speeding train as you lie on the tracks of life. After keeping our ears on the ground and risking getting trampled on Back and to the Left news have caught wind of five more transfer "done" deals. •...

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Walcott's Wing Worry

One of Arsenals professional injury specialists has came out in support of the new England manager and finally clarified the position he wants to play. Surprisingly it's not left back on the fracture ward. Theo Walcott has stated that he "wants' t...

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Feeding Frenzy In The Transfer Market

Premier League clubs have spent £475million in the month of July! Meaning on average £15.3 million a day, £634K a hour, £10K a minute and £177 a second is haemorrhaging out the clubs like blood from a stab victim. We grabbed one frightened officia...

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Transfer Speculation Part Two

Here at Back and to the Left news we have our fingers on the pulse of the transfer market and let us tell you it's not a cadaver. Many other news outlets will scream about "hot tips" and "near certainties" when in reality they overheard a bloke on th...

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Arsenal: The UK's Injury Specialists

Arsenals latest "win a all expenses paid long term holiday" winner is giant defensive liability Per Mertesacker, accepting the honour by picking up a injury in the meaningless friendly against Lens. Arsenals injury record, which is occasionally th...

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Transfer speculation Part one

The transfer silly season is now in full swing with millions of pounds being thrown at players who barely know how play the offside trap and who think "man on" is a homophobic slur. In a effort to cut through the lies and deceit in these the most...

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Cameron offered Arsenal manager's job!

Funny story: Cameron offered Arsenal manager's job!

Ex-UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, has been offered to take over the reigns at Arsenal FC and replace their present French manager, and perennial loser, Arsene Wenger! Arsenal, used to imploding season after season under Wenger's rule, find Came...

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