Man's Ford Capri Has Coronavirus

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 30 March 2020

image for Man's Ford Capri Has Coronavirus
Maisie looking radiant in about 1986

A man in Bradford has said that his car, which he has been driving for more than forty years, has come down with the Coronavirus.

Phil Riddiough, 62, has been driving his yellow Ford Capri, Maisie, to and from work - and other places - since 1978, and, aside from the odd sniffle, the car has never given him the slightest bother.

Last Monday, however, things changed. Phil said:

"She started t' gerra fever. All ot an bothered, she were. Ah give her sum cold watter, but she just kept gerrin otter an otter. An otter!"

Things got worse on Wednesday. Maisie laboured as she tried to battle through the fever, even "looking a little jaundiced", according to Phil.

By Thursday, ihe situation was critical. Phil:

"Ah went artside t' go t' work, an tried t' starter up. She were coffin an splutterin, an she just cudn't gerra breath. It were sad t' see."

Phil decided to consult a 'medical professional' and asked his neighbour, Mike - actually a mechanic at the local garage - to take a look.

Mike's grave diagnosis was not what Phil wanted to hear:

"Maisie's got Coronavirus," said Mike. "Tha'd better lever in't garridge furra fortnart t' self-insulate, utherwise shill niwer gerowerit."

Maisie often gets a cold around this team of year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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