The UK's Brexit negotiator is in the EU for talks today, and has said “progress has been made”.
Which will be music to the ears of many Brits who are living with the looming shadow of Brexit uncertainty blocking out their personal sun.
A government spokesman said:
"Yes, progress has been made. Both the UK and the EU teams are going to have a soup starter, followed by a fish main, before finishing on individuals' choice from the dessert trolley."
In response to many UK residents being appalled at the amount of money that has been “fucked up the fucking wall”, the negotiating team have moved to allay fears that even more cash is being wasted:
"We understand the British public’s anger at the piles and piles of money that has been wasted throughout the Brexit process. But we are already making savings, for example, the negotiating team in Brussels won’t have a subsidised mini bar in their rooms, and they are all only allowed to bring back one “small” souvenir. Like a pencil or a ruler perhaps."
Both sides' desperation for a deal has seen many compromises being made, and previous promises broken. But things are looking up for Britain in the post Brexit future, with the previously unbendable EU showing signs of weakness. The spokesman said:
"The Brexit team have already struck one major blow against the corrupt EU. They’ve convinced the EU team to join them in an Irish bar for a drink after the close of negotiations! Strike one for the boys in blue!"