Written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Friday, 5 October 2018

image for Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts
Dominic Raaaaab

People who eat people will "not be forgotten about" after Brexit, sources say.

Following the revelations earlier this year from Brexit minister Dominic Raaaaab that the Government is stockpiling food and medicine in case of a No Deal, it has now been leaked that human body parts are also on the list of items being stockpiled.

It is understood the Government is determined to cater for cannibals, and make their lives easier than needing to murder someone, or rake through a graveyard or find a living person willing to be eaten (known as an eatee.)

"The modern Conservative Party care for all sections of society, and all kinds of people", said the anonymous source who is Dominic Raaaaab.

"As long as they're a well-off, British cannibal, then we can absolutely ensure provisions will be made. Most cannibals are, of course. They drink sophisticated wines like Chianti - or blood - and eat fava beans with their favourite organs like, say, liver. So they're very middle class and affluent."

"If they are foreign cannibals, however, then they would have to be a doctor or a lawyer, or a chief executive, or a government Brexit minister."

"Low-skilled foreign cannibals though? Yeah they could do one."

"A bright, rosy future is in store post-Brexit, although normal food may be at a premium, so, hopefully, this encourages more people to take up cannibalism or just be, you know, more palatable," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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