Written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Sunday, 23 September 2018

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Brexit tears.

Following the Salzburg summit rebuffal and being handed her ass on Instagram by the EU President, Theresa May came back fighting this week in the typical British way - with a strongly worded statement.

After she was left looking like a wally, much like Wally from 'Where's Wally?' but with dementia, May reacted with a particularly cringeworthy speech where she struck a note of surprise at the EU's rejection of her plans, despite knowing the EU would reject her plans weeks earlier.

The speech, which was a diplomatic way of saying "fuck you, don't fuck with us or we'll fuck you up", was intended to be a show of strength after being made to look like a nervous little girl guide complaining that "it's very...um...hot!"

Leaders swiftly responded about eight hours later, with the Republic's leader even tweeting about the Irish Ploughing Championships first.

Noticing that she was close to a breakdown, many leaders offered compliments on her character and said a compromise was very much possible, as long as "she didn't come storming in like a bull called Billy Big Balls in a china shop, demanding this and ordering that."

EU President Donald Tusk, still smugly smiling after his social media burn success where he used the most literal analogy of all time, regarding cherry-picking from a cake, remarked on the British Government's position that the Chequers Plan is still credible.

"The British side's Chequers Plan is still credible, oh yeah, in the same way that a friggin' chocolate teapot is credible," he said.

Once his term as one of the many EU Presidents ends, Mr Tusk is thought to be considering a career as a stand-up comedian.

Meanwhile, Mrs May is taking solace in the fact that she does have support from one EU leader, even if Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban is an anti-immigration, hardline, right-wing mentalist.

Downing Street insiders have also mooted the possibility of the Prime Minister taking to Instagram to post an image of Donald Tusk's body with a steaming shite for a head.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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