Written by Paxton Quigley

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

image for Bozo Trots Out Usual Bollocks In Vain Attempt to be Relevant
"I've got a column in the Telegraph." "Really, what's that?"

The Daily Telegraph was once a serious newspaper but is now reduced to having a front page spread featuring a serial liar and idiot. Monday's edition had emblazoned upon it Bozo Johnson's self-satisfied face as he once again trotted out his usual guff in his fading attempt to become prime minister.

As usual, this loud mouthed insufferable failure of a political pygmy tried to sound Churchillian, but only managed to mix metaphors and raise stupid images which would be more akin to The Sun or The Daily Star. He is living proof that education is not equated with intelligence or competence.

Johnson wrote in the Daily Telegraph that the approach agreed at Chequers "means disaster" for Britain.

You signed up to it, shithead and only walked away after Dumbo Davis had led the way. Coward, as ever.

On his no deal Brexit wish, Bozo wrote: "The whole thing is about as pre-ordained as a bout between Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy; and in this case, I am afraid, the inevitable outcome is a victory for the EU, with the UK lying flat on the canvas and 12 stars circling symbolically over our semi-conscious head."

So Bozo, in this "bout" which fat bastard are you?

Mr Johnson said negotiations based on the Chequers plan had so far seen the EU take "every important trick", adding: "The UK has agreed to hand over £40bn of taxpayers' money for two-thirds of diddly squat."

"Diddly squat?" Old Etonian for "I wouldn't get out of bed for less than a million quid".

The ex-foreign secretary said the PM's plan would hand the EU "victory".

Yawn! Are we at war? Back to the 1940s with Corporal "They Don't Like It Up 'Em" Johnson.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "There's no new ideas in this article to respond to. Let's face it Bozo is a loser and has nothing to contribute" while former home secretary Amber Rudd told the BBC's Politics Live: "Once again, it's a case of leap before you look - there's absolutely no proposal here, but what else do you expect from a smug self-regarding wanker."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
41 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more