Sodden Carnival makes Notting Hill Revellers proud to be British

Funny story written by TonySofas

Tuesday, 28 August 2018


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Carnival in London "different" from this. And that's OK!

Sunday's wash out on the streets of Notting Hill brought the true spirit of Being British out in full force. A man dressed in a bin bag told us, "It's what it's all about, innit? Carnival's not all about colour, music, celebration and creativity. We do it our way. I'm proud to be wandering the dirty grey streets in a wet bin liner swigging from a bottle of Lambrini." He went on to explain, "I do it most days anyway, it's like the city has come around to my way of thinking."

Speaking to one resident, next to a girl sobbing following 5 pints of Magners and a load of shots, and no charge on her phone, he described the aftermath of the event as, "like a half hearted apocalypse. It's done us proud."

Following the success of the wash out, three key moves have been put in place to keep the party spirit going and raise morale in the city:

1. Every time it rains, huge sections of road will be cordoned off, traffic rerouted and manned by police.

2. Drinking in the streets will be encouraged, with "reasonable" amounts of class A's given out for a tenner, regardless of quality or quantity.

3. A hose pipe ban will be implemented, to save the water for emergency moments.

If nothing else, it is hoped the admittedly enormous disruption these measures will bring will be countered by the positives of general, apathetic acceptance, and distract from the constant banging on about Brexit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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