10 miles west of the Florida Keys- A cliché- and movie-quoting dumbass, who thought he was being really original by re-enacting a famous scene from the movie Titanic, ceased to be king of the world on Friday, when he slipped from the railing of the C...
At a fancy dinner attended by all the great dignitaries of world affairs, the president and first concubine of China were caught in open mouth stares when they heard the translation of what Melania Trump's t-shirt read. The ambassador to Chile spi...
Ah, a tragic case of surrounding yourself with lickspittles and yes men. Maybe a bit of market research might have been useful but I can just imagine his management team: "Oh, yes, Sir Clive, it's a fantastic idea, one of your best. It will be a magnificent success," before sniggering outside the office while on a fag break. Sir Clive Sinclair became one of the UK's best-known businessmen...
The Daily Telegraph was once a serious newspaper but is now reduced to having a front page spread featuring a serial liar and idiot. Monday's edition had emblazoned upon it Bozo Johnson's self-satisfied face as he once again trotted out his usual gu...
Scientists have recently discovered a fact about bees that has been staring us in the face for hundreds of years. Bees are, in fact, really, really thick. A report for the "Old Scientist" has stated that in tests bees have the IQ of a subnormal n...
Kim Jong's Buns - North Kiarrhea It was a bloody mess at the launching pad today as members of US special forces reported seeing a horrible missile test failure. When the Jongdong II missile ignited, it fissiled for several minutes. Kim Jong...
President Donald Trump has often pronounced that he will be the greatest ruler who ever lived. Now, barely twenty four hours into the job, most of his fans agreed. Some of them held a party in downtown Washington with a huge banner that read "Mission...
Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...
"Jihadi John" or Mohammed Emwazi, a west London man believed to be an ISIS militant - and chief executioner - has waded mask first into the "is this dress gold and white or is it blue and black?" melee by declaring that the dress is 'definitely'white...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
The Center for Cultural Analysis in Berne, Switzerland has today released research which suggests that the United States of America could rise to "a new era of greatness" were the entire viewing audience of TLC were to be lobotomised. The channel,...
There was huge relief last night when it was revealed that a plane had landed safely despite FIVE seperate plots to bring it down. Flight MH 666 touched down safely in Dubai against incredible odds, and only because of some of the most inept attempts...
Simon Cowell says that he just knows that Justin Bieber pulled one of his jokes on him even though he can't prove it. "I'll fix that young twerp. He was here recently and it had to be him." Bieber denies that Cowell knows what he's talking abou...
"You go to all these motivational speeches and they get you all stirred up and ready to go after your companys competition and what happens after that?" "They arrest you." This was the complaint of George Madison as he gave a reporter the lowdo...
New Delhi: Yesterday evening Baljit Singh Dhillon, an employee at a chicken factory in the city, was admitted in No Cure Hospital and received one and a half stiches on his right hand. Your fearless reporter was sent to the hospital to take a stoc...
A billionaire fashion designer says scientists have found a way for him to spend a lot of money on something totally impossible and ridiculous. Bahamas resident Peter Nygard says he is receiving stem cell therapy and that a study from the Univer...
Lindsay Lohan told what reporters who still hang around her that she thought Duck Dynasty was the worst show she had ever seen. Those at the scene stated that she laughed and called them Hillbillies. "What is this a joke? Television ratings so...
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