Tetchy Tevez Says "No" To United

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

image for Tetchy Tevez Says "No" To United
Carlos Gardel

Manchester United have failed to entice Argentine striker Carlos Tevez to Old Trafford due to "irreconcilable differences", it has been announced on the club's website.

The West Ham United player has told his agent he doesn't want to play for United because he thinks Northern folk are "too nosey".

Tevez, who was the Hammers' saviour last season, helping them to remain in the Premier League almost single-handedly, is, by all accounts, a very private person, and spends much of his time in his bedroom reading 'cliterature'. He fears that intrusive neighbours, like the ones he has ssen on Coronation Street, could disturb his 'reading sessions' which he takes very seriously.

"He likes to read", said Tevez' agent Guillermo Porno, adding "a lot."

The moody 23-year-old striker is also a prime exponent of the Tango, and practises for at least three hours per day, despite being grossly overweight.

Hammers' manager Alan Curbishley, who would dearly love to keep his Latin goal machine at Upton Park, said:

"He needs his privacy. Those Northern louts would be too in-yer-face for Carlos. He's not really one for 'chatting over the back garden fence'."

Porno said later that his client would look to stay in the South where people respected another person's privacy, and where they weren't so intrusive. Other clubs such as Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham, he said, would be ones that Tevez would be considering.

"He likes it in the rude South", he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more