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Funny satire stories about Chelsea

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Funny story: Football Season Is Over

Football Season Is Over

The Premier League season is over once more, and, as expected, it went 'down to the wire' with the final minutes of the final match of the campaign proving decisive. This season has been memorable for its non-stop, relentless cat-and-mouse chase f...

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Funny story: Someone At Uthiefa Got Massive Bung For Insane Baku Pick

Someone At Uthiefa Got Massive Bung For Insane Baku Pick

London, UK - (Offside Rule): Football fans are rightly pissed at an insane Uthiefa decision to host this year’s cup final in crappy Baku. Azerbaijan’s capital city lies in a part of Western Asia best known for its lack of airport. Or a fixed runw...

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Funny story: FA New Fairplay Scheme: Teams That 'Should Have Won' To Be Awarded All Three Points

FA New Fairplay Scheme: Teams That 'Should Have Won' To Be Awarded All Three Points

The Football Association has announced that, in order to "address the perceived unfairness in domestic football", it will introduce a new scheme whereby teams that 'should have won' will be awarded the three points. The scheme will be operated by...

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Funny story: John Terry 'Retires' From Football, To Disguise The Fact That Nobody Wants Him

John Terry 'Retires' From Football, To Disguise The Fact That Nobody Wants Him

John Terry, the former Chelsea and England player, has announced his retirement from football, as nobody wants him anymore. Terry, 37, played more than 700 games for Chelsea, and won 78 England caps. He joined Aston Villa for the 2017/18 campaign,...

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Funny story: Secret ball boy training revealed as priority for Premier League academies

Secret ball boy training revealed as priority for Premier League academies

No wonder the academy system at our top clubs is failing. The reason? An insider has revealed that all the millions ploughed into the academy system over the last decade has not been invested in developing the England players of the future, as man...

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Funny story: Rio Ferdinand Claims John Terry No Longer On His Christmas Card List

Rio Ferdinand Claims John Terry No Longer On His Christmas Card List

The Manchester United and former England defender Rio Ferdinand has told reporters that his ex-England team-mate John Terry is a "despicable cad" and no longer on the black star's Christmas card list. Terry has been at the centre of racist abuse a...

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Funny story: John Terry 'not a threat' to London Olympics

John Terry 'not a threat' to London Olympics

A newspaper editor has apologised today after a typo error suggested that the behaviour of Chelsea footballer John Terry was a threat to the well being of the London 2012 Olympics. The headline should have read 'terror threat' referring to Al Quai...

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Funny story: Back my vision by emptying Stamford Bridge on matchdays, AVB tells Abramovich

Back my vision by emptying Stamford Bridge on matchdays, AVB tells Abramovich

Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has urged owner Roman Abramovich to back his blueprint for the long-term future of the club by insisting all matches played at Stamford Bridge be completely free of home fans. The Portuguese feels a lack of suppor...

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Funny story: Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley To Wed In Mayo?

Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley To Wed In Mayo?

Excitement is growing in the condiments community over speculation that Chelsea star Frank Lampard is to wed his TV presenter squeeze Christine Bleakley in mayonnaise later this year. Rumours that the wedding will take place at Ashford Castle, Con...

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Funny story: Man Utd Heroics Earn Draw At Chelsea

Man Utd Heroics Earn Draw At Chelsea

A top football expert was last night revelling in the aftermath of a heroic performance by Manchester United at Chelsea. "How blooming hilarious was that," laughed EIF News & Features sports editor Thelonious Adidas. He was referring to the...

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Funny story: John Terry 'didn't have the legs' to step down as England captain

John Terry 'didn't have the legs' to step down as England captain

John Terry refused to resign as England captain as he did not have the legs to stand down, according to a source close to the player. The Chelsea skipper, who received a date for his trial on charges of racial abuse, would have needed to undergo a...

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Funny story: Chelsea boss Villas-Boas thinks Premier League should field "B" sides in Football League

Chelsea boss Villas-Boas thinks Premier League should field "B" sides in Football League

Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas thinks English football should seriously consider following the Spanish model by allowing Premier League clubs to field "B" sides in the Football League - or even permitting the purchase of smaller rivals for use as fee...

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Funny story: John Terry to move back into Barking council house

John Terry to move back into Barking council house

The mysterious finances of Chelsea skipper John Terry took another twist last night when he and his family moved back to the area where he was born - straight into a four bed council house. The 'stun' newspaper revealed he remortgaged his home in...

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Funny story: Chelsea Spared By Pompey - Not Next Time, Says Fan

Chelsea Spared By Pompey - Not Next Time, Says Fan

Chelsea's victory over Portsmouth in the third round of the FA Cup yesterday has been welcomed by a Pompey fan, though he is disapppointed by the London club's behaviour. As we reported on Saturday, Fratton Park 'superfan' Jake Seaport asked his h...

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Funny story: Pompey Urged To Go Easy On Chelsea

Pompey Urged To Go Easy On Chelsea

As the third round of the FA Cup arrives, most fans lick their lips in anticipation of excitement and upsets. But one fan is hoping his second-tier team will take pity on their Premier League opponents. Portsmouth "super fan" Jake Seaport is ur...

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Funny story: Transfer Window: Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool prepare bid for Everton's Tim Howard

Transfer Window: Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool prepare bid for Everton's Tim Howard

The biggest clubs in the England 'EPL' were today 'preparing bids' to secure the services of the premiershites latest goalscoring sensation, Americanish tourette sufferer Timothy Howard. The Everton net buster and occasional goal stopper marked hi...

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Funny story: John Terry To Wear Studs In Future

John Terry To Wear Studs In Future

Chelsea and England captain John Terry has told fans on the club's website that he intends to wear studs in his boots in the future after slipping and presenting Arsenal with a match-winning goal in his side's 5-3 loss to Arsenal at Stamford Bridge a...

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