Bush Announces New Iraq Strategy: Waffle

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Monday, 9 July 2007

image for Bush Announces New Iraq Strategy: Waffle
President Bush finishes his waffle-on-a-stick

The Bush Administration today provided a detailed explanation of a new strategy in Iraq, called Waffle. Following on the recent "Surge", which hasn't worked according to many sources, US forces will now vary the intensity of their efforts.

President George Bush mentioned the Waffle strategy outside the Washington Nationals baseball game on Thursday, but reporters were unable to get any more details than "no syrup." As media attention reached a fever pitch, Defense Secretary Robert Gates gave a much clearer picture during a Monday press conference at the Pentagon.

"We will follow the polls," explained Gates, "because it seems to be what the public and the media expect. It worked for Bill Clinton, and all the candidates seem to be doing it now, so we're going to give it a shot." The specifics of how the poll numbers affect troop activity was not fully explored, but inside sources suggest that when polls show more than 30% support for the war, troops will increase in number and activity, while declines in support will lead to reduced troop presence. The administration had been fond of its Surge approach, especially after it seemed that the insurgents seemed ready to surrender.

Conservatives ** were quick to attack the strategy as a betrayal, with Rudy McRomney saying we should "Pancake" the insurgents. Liberals were also dissatisfied, with Nancy Pelosi insisting that US troops "must be brought home soon." Meanwhile, outsider GOP candidate Ron Paul said that the "Waffle" strategy "fails to respect the Constitution."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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