Harry Maguire Perturbed By Lack Of Harry Maguire Stories

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Monday, 6 December 2021

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Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, is reported to be 'deeply concerned' due to the lack of spoof news articles lampooning his footballing ability, looks, personality, and personal hygiene.

Maguire, 28, told friends that he has not read a disparaging article about himself since February when the article here was published.

"He is beyond himself", said one pal, "Harry is very concerned that no one seems to be taking the piss out of him lately. He has no idea why all of sudden the tirade of somewhat amusing but harsh stories has stopped."

Maguire, who has been likened to Frankenstein's Monster, and is often referred to as a 'mong cunt', who rarely showers and is shit, says he will wait patiently in the hopes that a story about the lanky streak of piss is published soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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