TOLEDO, Ohio – (Sports Satire) – The NASCAR organization is proud to announce that the Toledo 300 Invitational was won by the organization’s very first transgender driver.
Twenty-eight-year-old Catalina Puffinpick captured the coveted race from a field of 37 cars including high-ranking drivers such as Kyle Larson, Kyle Busch, Bubba Wallace, and Ricky Stenhouse (Danica Patrick’s ex-boyfriend).
Catty, as she was nicknamed by Turnstile Review reporter Buckaroo Kazoo, easily won the race, which was marred by a 9-car wreck which occurred when a wayward flamingo wandered onto the track searching for food.
A NASCAR spokesperson said that luckily there were no serious injuries other than Kyle Busch, who said he has a slight bruise to his left funny bone and he also revealed that his uvula is a bit sore.
After the race Kazoo interviewed Miss Puffinpick, a native of Cotton Balls, Georgia, and asked her about the rumor that she is dating a fellow NASCAR driver.
She quickly, denied the rumor, but information guru, Andy Cohen has stated that she is in fact dating a fellow race car driver with the initials Z.P.Q.
Catty revealed to Kazoo that she got so excited when she crossed the finish line, that she actually had several multiple orgasms while still sitting in her #69 pink and lavender Chevy Impala.
SIDENOTE: An official for NASCAR informed the racing media that the driver who commented that he never dreamed that a NASCAR race would one day be won by a fairy has been suspended for four weeks, fined $32,000, and will have to attend a 10-day hate seminar in Duck Dung, Alabama.
