MADRID, Spain – (Sports Satire) – Sports Balls Illustrated has just confirmed that the greatest matador in the world has just signed a $3.6 million contract to appear in half a dozen bullfights in Mexico.
Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho, the pride of Spain, stated that his first bullfight will take place in July, in Tijuana’s famous Taco Bell Bullring.
El Gazpacho, who has recently been romantically linked with the likes of Shakira, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Aniston, and Selena Gomez, has stated time after time that his stunningly beautiful wife, Esmeralda (38-24-36), is all the woman he needs.
The macho matador was quoted as saying that Esme is so fantastic in bed, that he swears that sometimes he actually feels that there are two different women in bed with him during their nightly hokey-pokey sessions.
The future Bullfighting hall-of-famer, was gored last October in Madrid’s Eva Longoria Bullring. He said that it scared the hell-out-of-him, since the bull’s left horn came with half an inch of one of his testicles.
SIDENOTE: Boom Boom News has just revealed that the brilliant actor, Matthew McCaughey has just signed to play El Gazpacho in the upcoming Lion’s Face Film’s production of “Ole! Ole! Ole!”