EAST RUTHERFORD, New Jersey – (Sports Satire) – The Dallas Cowboys will now be watching the NFL playoffs from the comfort of their own homes.
Jerry’s team got eliminated by a score of 23 to 19, and the 78-year-old is not a happy camper. He had plenty of blame to go around, but he focused on the horrible weather that his ‘boys had to play in.
Jones said that the temperature at the start of the game was 3 degrees, with a wind chill factor of -13 degrees.
He said the last time he felt that cold was 16 years ago, when he and Mrs. Jones visited one of her uncles in Siberia, Russia.
The Giants, who played before a totally empty stadium, just happened to be at the right place at the right time, regarding fumbles, interceptions, and sideline heater placement.
Jones told Fox Sports that his quarterback, Andy Dalton, actually got stabbed on his left hand during the game. Jerry says that after seeing the replay, it appears that a Giants linebacker may have used what looked like either a paring knife, or perhaps an eggbeater to inflict the injury.
He remarked that the darn refs missed the assault, along with at least 9 or 14 other plays that went against his team.
Jerry said that it was really very hard to see the game on the field. due to the incessant snow flurries that occurred throughout the entire game.
After the game, the Cowboys owner was asked if he still planned to sell the team.
Jones replied that he’d have plenty of time during the off-season to sit down and discuss that matter with his wife, Eugenia, 76, and his girlfriend, Maggie Mickenzipper, 29.