EL SEGUNDO, California – (Sports Satire) – The company that manufactures sports fan cardboard cut-outs reports that it is making money hand-over-fist.
CEO Barnabas Ballyhoo, with Cut-Outs Inc., told the Balls News Agency that just since the Coronavirus first hit back in March, his company has gone from 18 cents a share up to $742 a share.
He revealed that, in the month of November, their cut-out sales topped the $2 million mark.
Ballyhoo looks back and says the best thing that ever happened to him, was when his Glow-in-the-Dark Pantiliners Company went bankrupt.
He pointed out that the reason his company failed was because women do not want to see their pantiliners lit up, and men would rather get bit by a rabid spider than look at a woman’s pantiliner.
Cut-Outs Inc. was the first company to manufacture their product to the NBA. Sales to Major League Baseball, and the NFL soon followed.
Ballyhoo estimates that his company has produced over 17 million cut-outs to just about every sports venue in the world. Some of the cut-outs are likenesses of famous people, such as Kamala Harris, Sofia Vergara, Jose Altuve, Led Zeppelin, Yo Yo Afro Woke, and Stormy Daniels.
His company cut-outs have recently been sold to the Latin American Bullfighting Association.
Cut-Outs Inc. is currently in negotiations to provide their cut-outs to the newly-formed Scantily-Clad Females Football Federation (SCFFF).