GREEN BAY – (Sports Satire) – The word on the streets and the cheese shops of Green Bay is that Packers quarterback and his ex-NASCAR girlfriend Danica Patrick are getting back together.
The two dated last year and even had a reality show called Aaron and Danica’s Naked Life.
Back in the summer, friends and neighbors actually thought that it looked like Aaron was going to impregnate the tiny 5-foot-2-inch tall sexual dynamo, what with their alleged three-times-a-day copulation.
But then quicker than Kanye West can say “Yo”, they split up.
The rumor mill went into overdrive gear, with all kinds of speculation, rumors, and sexual innuendo.
Some said that Danica simply got tired of Aaron sleeping in his football cleats, others said he finally admitted to her that he had a man crush on Fox Sports announcer Joe Buck.
Rodgers was even interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and she flat-out asked if he liked girls.
He turned semi-magenta, and replied that he’s always been shy around girls because of the fact that he has one regular-sized testicle, and one that is the size of a BB.
When asked why he decided to get back with the hot little race driver, he took a sip of his Dos Equis, and said that he’s really missed the cute way she smiles with her upper lip, the neat way she can take road kill and make it taste like Filet Mignon, and, of course, her cute, sweet, perky titties, which some have said taste like the world’s most expensive vanilla, which is only found in Ciudad Chichitas, Mexico.
Danica recently told CNNs Anderson Cooper, now that the Packers season was over, the two are planning on getting matching tattoos on their bikini lines.