Spain Cancels All Bullfights – Matadors Are Demanding a Bailout

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 15 June 2020

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Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho is considered to be the LeBron James of Spanish bullfighters.

MADRID – The Sunday ritual of “Ole! Ole! Ole!” has just been silenced in the European country of Spain.

The head of the Bullfighters Union, Paco McFlaco, 43, has informed all union matadors that, effective immediately, all bullfights have been officially cancelled due to the Coronavirus pandemic, which now has been found to affect fighting bulls.

One of Spain’s most famous matadors, Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho, of Barcelona, informed the Spanish news media that a majority of the union members live from Sunday to Sunday (i.e. paycheck to paycheck).

He noted that he and every Spanish bullfighter are demanding a bailout to be paid immediately.

Gazzy, as his wife and girlfriend call him, remarked that he personally has to make monthly payments on two trucks, a Harley Davidson Road King valued at $20,000 (U.S.), and a Hughes Cayuse Helicopter.

The popular bullfighter also pointed out that he has to pay child support to a woman in Mumbai, another one in Switzerland, and a third one in Beverly Hills.

Gazpacho says that on top of all of that, he will now be forced to give up his membership to Barcelona’s prestigious Donald Trump Golden Boy Golf Course.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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