ST. LOUIS, Missouri - (Business Satire) - Metro News Service reporter Joaquin Cerveza, has just informed the American public that the huge beer company, Anheuser Busch, which is known as Budweiser, has asked President Biden for a substantial bailout.
MADRID – The Sunday ritual of “Ole! Ole! Ole!” has just been silenced in the European country of Spain. The head of the Bullfighters Union, Paco McFlaco, 43, has informed all union matadors that, effective immediately, all bullfights have been off...
CHICAGO – The city known as the Windy City, the Airline Hub, and the Place Where President Abraham Lincoln Was Conceived, has just revealed some disappointing airline facts. Most of the large airlines are reporting that they are averaging 7.3 pass...
SACRAMENTO – The state of California informed the president that it desperately needs a bailout loan. Governor Gavin Newsom stated that they need to continue to pay unemployment benefits, as well as to make the state's huge earthquake insurance pa...
CHICAGO – Every airline in America is starting to really get extremely concerned with the fact that ticket sales have dropped by 71%. And, right away, they are crying to Uncle Sam (aka Donald Trump) and asking him for a Coronavirus Aid Package Bai...
HOLLYWOOD - Lamar Odom has had more than his share of ups and downs. In fact his father-in-law Bruce Jenner is beginning to call him the Elevator Man. Odom, who is married to Khloe Kardashian, has admitted to carousing around with at least half a...
Patrick O'Malley, founder, President, Teller, Receptionist and Cleaner of O'Malley's Bank in McGillmara, Ireland, has demanded a financial bailout from the European Union. Without an immediate injection of cash the bank will collapse and take the...
In a surprise announcement the Chancellor has announced that Britain's bail out has been agreed with the Russians. 'It was the Russians or bankruptcy' Osborne revealed to a shocked House of Commons. In exchange for the massive Russian bail out the...
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - Arizona Senator John McCain ripped President Barack Obama's failure to offer a bail out to Twinkie producer Hostess Brands this afternoon. Speaking before the US Senate, McCain called Obama a "heartless, Godless un-Amer...
Ireland's peak terrorist organisation, the Irish Republican Army, has been severely damaged by recent changes in the country's electoral laws. The Irish parliament, this week, passed an amendment to electoral laws, removing state funding from poli...
In an effort to promote this weekend's European Championships between Spain and Italy, UEFA has struck a deal with the European Central Bank whereby immediately following the conclusion of this Sunday's match, the sovereign debt of the winning countr...
The two largest football teams in Spain have been heavily funded by contributions from the Spanish government. With Spain's economy now in dire straits, with a need to find two billion Euros, it has been determined to reclaim the assets that they hel...
Many people, including politicians Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, author/activists Charles Ferguson and Noam Chomsky, and economists Larry Summers and Raghuram Rajan, have weighed in on (or denied) the fraud, political manipulations and criminal wrong...
Following Chuck Norris's announcement that he will assume the Presidency in 2013, his financial advisors disclosed today that Mr. Norris will also take over the ailing Kodak Corporation in an apparent move to "Kick its butt back into shape". With...
The Irish government has announced a new measure to tackle the country's financial woes; searching for pots of gold at the ends of rainbows. Michael McFlattery, the Irish government's Chief Economist, stated; 'Well, we had a wee think about it all...
Since the economic collapse, many businesses were saved by the government bailout machine. Many "economists" believe that the government taking over General Motors was a disastrous move. However the Administration of Americas Saviour in Chief thinks...
In a week that has seen the leaders of the most powerful countries in the world skitting around like loose sheep on a motorway, one of the most powerful and least understood nation states has finally made a decisive move. As the Eurozone countrie...
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