HOUSTON – The president and his daughter, Ivanka, made a quick trip on Air Force One down to Houston to meet with the owner of the Houston Astros Jim “Whooping” Crane.
Crane, who purchased the team in 2011 for $465 million, said that the president has called him at least seven times since April Fools Day wanting to buy the Major League Baseball team.
Baseball experts wonder why in the world Trump would even consider purchasing the Astros team, seeing as how they were involved in the Infamous Sign-Stealing Scandal, which is possibly the greatest baseball cheating scandal in the history of sports.
POTUS, replied, “Hey, look, it’s not like they were involved in any Russian collusion or witchcraftery.”
It's no secret that Trump has always liked the Astros ever since they showed up to his White House weinie roast, and presented him with some Astros memorabilia, including a baseball, a bat, a cap, a catcher's cup, and a pair of high-powered binoculars.
He reminded everyone about other teams who have also cheated, like the New England Patriots, the New Orleans Saints, the Chicago Black Sox, and the Walla Walla Whalers.
The president said that his favorite Astros player is second baseman, Jose Altuve, because he is always smiling, he knows about a hundred knock-knock jokes, and he told him that he is the best U.S. president since Alexander Graham Bell.