BILLINGSGATE POST: Upon his appointment to President Trump’s White House Coronavirus Task Force; an open letter from Rex the Wonder Dog to the American public:
“You can't imagine how proud I am to join President Trump’s White House Coronavirus Task Force. When I left the U.S. Army's K-9 Corps for Hollywood back in 1952, it was because I saw the effect Rin Tin Tin and Lassie had on humanity. To have President Trump mention me in the same sentence with Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx leaves me barkless. And to have him beatify dogs as being even more trustworthy than John Wayne, makes me want to lick my balls.”
A little background on Rex the Wonder Dog:
For those of you too young to remember, Rex first appeared in The Adventures of Rex the Wonder Dog in January 1952. Rex is a German Shepherd who served our county valiantly in World War II. A veteran of the Army's K-9 Corps, after the war he was taken back home to live with the Dennis family. Rex used his intelligence to help prove one of the Dennis boys, Phillip, was not guilty of murder.
For many years after that, Rex and Phillip's brother, Danny, had numerous adventures. During that time, Rex did everything from riding a horse bareback to swinging from a vine by holding it in his teeth.
Eventually, Rex found himself getting long in the tooth and would have retired from showbiz altogether. Fortunately for his fans, he went to Florida and met up with Bobo the Detective Chimp. In one of their adventures, the amazing mammals stumbled upon the legendary Fountain of Youth, and drank of it. In an instant, the two of them were returned to their prime of life and have continued their individual pursuits.
Upon learning that some animals were becoming afflicted with the Coronavirus, President Trump appointed Rex the Wonder Dog to his team of experts. He is expected to join President Trump, Vice President Pence, Dr. Fauci and other members of the team in the daily briefings.
Slim: “What an amazing story of fortitude and grit.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Makes you want to play with your little Schnauzer.”