Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Has Just Put a For Sale Sign on “America’s Team”

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 22 March 2020

image for Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Has Just Put a For Sale Sign on “America’s Team”
AT&T Stadium fans consume a little over 500,000 hot dogs during one game.

DALLAS – Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, recently said, at a family Quinceanera, that after 21 years of an up-and-down relationship with his team, he is ready to throw in the sports towel.

He sat down with Sport Bet Gazette’s Zorro La Bamba at a Yippee-Ki-Yay Barbecue Restaurant, located near AT&T Stadium.

Jones told La Bamba that he has gotten to the point where he is getting more and more disappointed with the inconsistent play of his team. He also pointed out that hot dog sales were down by 13% last season, although nacho sales did go up 3%.

As any Cowboys fan knows, it is no secret that, last year, Jerry came very close to firing the entire special teams players because, as he stated, “My Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders could tackle better than some of those big ol’ boys.” He smiled, and added, “And hell, most of them gals are just skinny little old spoiled brat sissy girls.”

When asked if he would allow his sons Stephen Bubba and Jerry Bubba Jr. to take over the team, he coughed and nearly choked on his Chicken Jalapeno Burrito.

Jerry took a sip of his Dos Equis imported beer, and confessed, “Zorro mi hombre (my man), my team is worth $4.8 billion, and I guarantee you that I can sell it within 48 hours.”

When asked who would buy it, he adjusted his cowboy hat, took another sip of his cerveza (beer), and said…”Dozens of very rich fellas want it. But Jeffy Bezos wants the team so bad, he can taste it. And, in fact, he has asked me to sell him the team at least 17 times already just since Valentine’s Day."

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world. He is worth $112 billion, and is the owner of Amazon, The Washington Post, The Corpus Christi Expounder-Journal, and half of Rhode Island.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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