Written by K.C. Bell

Thursday, 4 April 2019

image for Russia, If You’re Listening, Release Trump’s Tax Returns
Russia, if you're listening, release Trump's tax returns!...

Russia, if you’re listening, please release Trump’s tax returns because he won’t! He claims they are "being audited." Since he announced his run for the presidency, years ago going down that escalator, Trump claimed his tax returns were "being audited." He holds up his thumb and index finger, making the doughnut, and pronounces that he is so rich, his tax situation is complicated. "It takes time."

Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world, with more money than Zeus and fifty Trumps, recently reached his divorce settlement by presumedly providing tax returns in a matter of days. Bingo. He retained 75% of Amazon. Double Bingo!

So, Russia, if you’re listening, release Trump’s tax returns. You’ll be richly rewarded.

And while you’re at it, Russia, please, please release The Mueller Report, because Attorney General Barr is performing a Samba dance on the report’s wording and removing all incriminating evidence about Trump and his gang, before releasing the expected report to the general public sometime after the 2020 election. Again, you’ll be richly rewarded.

Somehow, Mitch McConnell miraculously managed to stop Trump from closing the Mexican border and erecting an impregnable canopy above the entire United States from sea to sea, to keep those Mexicans out. Caramba! No more avocados, and just when they were discovered to be good for you, particularly on toast.

So Russia, you know the drill, but there’s one more thing. Julian Assange and Wikileaks may be able to help on this one. How did Jared Kushner ever get his security clearance? Sure his father-in-law approved it, but why was his security clearance denied in the first place? Drugs? Parking tickets? Cheating on SAT scores? Yes, he owed millions on 666 5th Avenue, (a property that was overvalued and with a suspicious address) but Kushner purchased anyway.

So Russia, do your thing. Man up! You don’t have to flip any votes. Forget the mystery about his overcoat, or Melania’s citizenship papers, or the Ivanka Spa in the Moscow Trump Tower Hotel that Ivanka doesn’t know anything about, release Tump’s tax returns, the Mueller Report, and Kushner’s security clearance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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