David Cameron Caught Lying in the Sun
... and The Daily Mirror, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Independent, The Times, Private Eye, Manchester DEvening News ...
written by IN SEINE, 08 March 2012
84-Year-Old Woman Tries To Vote -- Told She's Dead!
"It's it always the way. The dead person is the last to know!"
Syrians Are Sweethearts
UN to condemn Israel over treatment of women, ignore Syria killing thousands of their own people.
Major Gas Problems
POLL: 77% Say Gas Most Important Factor in Election. Other 23% mostly Amish, Mennonite, drifters and Ralph Nader.
Congress Pushes To Make "Denial" 51st State
Representatives from Disrepair, Panic, and Puerto Rico reportedly fuming.
written by Gregamemnon, 08 March 2012
Gorillas Do Not Develop Dementia Say Scientists Who Have Sequenced Gorilla Genome
'This may lead to gene therapy for human dementia sufferers,' said the team, 'if side effects can be overcome such as the growth of thick black body hair and obsessive consumption of bananas.'
written by Swan Morrison, 08 March 2012
Johnny Depp Plays Unusual Role As Tonto!
Unlike the old radio shows of the Lone Ranger, Tonto will refuse to "go to town" as he was always got knocked out. Also, the music, "The Wounded Knee Blues" is different.
Solar Storm May Make Sat Navs Useless Say Experts
'Large lorries will get jammed in country lanes and car drivers will be directed to incorrect locations,' warned a motoring organisation spokesman. 'In short, it will be just like any other day.'
written by Swan Morrison, 08 March 2012
Dad banned for wearing baggy swimming shorts!
A dad in Bournemouth was banned from a swimming pool because his shorts were too baggy. The reason why he wore them was; he was trying to cover something huge up and tight trunks are all balls!
written by Jaggedone, 08 March 2012
Limbaugh Not Worried About Lost Advertisers
Rush Limbaugh says he's not worried that over 40 advertisers have left his program. "We are on 600 stations and have about 18,000 companies advertising here. That's just networks trying to trick you."
Hacker Sabu was an FBI plant for months
"Do you realize how hard it is to be disguised as a plant?", asks FBI spokesman.
Many Say 'Viagra' They Worked Fine
Feds: 71-year-old carried $700,000 in phony Viagra pills. "Test showed that they are mostly horny goat weed", says agent.
Officials: LA School Brawl Not Racially Motivated
"Just regular old everyday gang fight", says police chief. "Nothing to worry about."
Another Winning Lotto Ticket Sold in RI!
"BINGO!!" shouts 81-year-old winner of last week's multimillion-dollar pot!
Lots Of Nightmares Last Night
Yesterday's pictures of spider invasion in Wagga Wagga, Australia led to thousands of viewers having to go to docs today, claiming they had a bad case of the Heebie Jeebies.
China VP Loved Bo During Visit
Insiders at the White House say that the China VP really got a kick out of President Obama showing him how the White House dog, Bo, could also sit up and beg. Xi reportedly patted both on the head.
Barney Frank Muted
House bans Barney Frank from speaking for the day. "Even the Dems have got tired of that noise", stated one Republican.
A committee of Lords and MP's, the National Security Srategy (NSS) states: The UK is 'unprepared'for key security threats...no shit guys, I could have told you that 10 years ago!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 March 2012
Revealed: Government plans to privatise the police
Well on the plus side, Journalists will be able to get a receipt when they pay for information.
UK Trains set for Oyster-style 'smart cards'.......is this before, or after they bump up the fares for the millionth time?
written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 March 2012
Government lacks a 'compelling vision of where the country is heading'
"here, Mr Cameron, Mr Clegg - wanna buy a knocked off sat-nav ?"
Journalists 'aware they are breaking the law' bribing police
"Here's three grand officer - thanks for the information. Oh, one more thing, please arrest me when your ready"
FBI Condemns NYPD
NJ FBI says NYPD monitoring damaged Muslims' trust.... terrorist plans.
Texas vulture study upends forensics!
Causes driver of gut-wagon to lose his lunch!
Alzheimer's drug aids more severe cases too, according to study!
Also, Alzheimer's drug aids more severe cases too, according to study!
Everyone Loves Israel During Election Year!
GOP-controled House introduces bill to allow Holocaust survivors to sue! "That tops your 'We got your back in Iran' statement" they tell the President.
Snooker Tuesday results:
Mitt Romney 2 Stephen Hendry 5
Newt Gingrich 1 Ronnie O'Sullivan 5
Rick Santorum 3 Steve Davis 5
Ricky Perry 1 Willie Thorne 5
Europe retain the Mosconi Tuesday Trophy
Kerry: Time isn't right for US move against Vietnam
John Kerry rushed to hospital after solar flares bring on flashbacks!
Russian grannies win bid to sing at Eurovision!
"We especially love that 'Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer! It's so classy!"
Israel asks U.S. for arms that could aid Iran strike!
"So put-up or shut-up Mr. Osama Election-Year Israeli Friend, Obama!"
Oklahoma House approves pistol-packing in public!
First in line to apply are pistol-packing Mamas escorting kids to school.
Gunman shoots sheriff's deputy, bystander outside Tulsa!
"But he did not shoot the Sheriff!"
Public schools sell empty classroom seats abroad!
Rush Limbaugh asks: "What does a broad need classroom seats?"
Biggest solar storm in years races toward Earth!
Kirk orders Scotty to raise maximum shields. Bones reports, "He's dead, Captain."
CEO Refuses Yearly Salary
Chrysler CEO declines 2011 pay of $8 billion; company now worth $7.5 billion!
Before Nuke Inspection
Images show Iran nuke plant may be covering its cracks...tracks.
Many Shocked over U.S. probes allegations Afghan Air Force involved in drug running
Afghanistan's Got an Air Force?
Former N.J. governor goes undercover as homeless man!
Delays report until he's over being beaten and sodomized twenty times.
Gingrich campaign doubles down on the South!
"If I could ever get some of those diehards to quit voting for Robert E. Lee every year."
Patrioach Handing Out Cash!
Washington Redskin, New Orleans Saints coach denies there were any bounties on the heads of opposing players. However, New England Spycams show them handing cash out after player carried off field.
Fluke Continues To Be A Fluke
Sandra Fluke says 'I would do this again' despite Limbaugh attacks. Dems running for office encourage her to do just that.
Top Syrian oil official apparently defects from Assad
In a related story, Top Syrian oil official apparently found dead after official reports of shooting himself over 124 times.
PETA Asks UN For Help.
Thousands of spiders blanket Australian farm after escaping flood. No help expected for spiders, nor the 8,000 fleeing farmers.
Lottery winner on food stamps even after $1 million jackpot!
"I put the million back for a rainy day." Internal Revenue Service tells her it's about to come a downpour on her butt!
Pakistan Charges Three Of Bin Laden's Wives
All three held for aid and abedding a known criminal!
Laid-off dad takes on daunting challenge!
Plans to take up training in typewriter repair. "I might even take a two-year night watchman training course."
8th March 2012: International Women's Day
"Just thought I'd mention it - keep in the good books you know!"
"She has ruined my life": Teen victim's agony after being tricked twice by "boy-girl" groper!
Devastated student Jessica Sayers revealed how she was still tormented by being targeted by gender-twister Gemma Barker.
"Best of both worlds?... maybe not!"
Actor Philip Madoc dies aged 77
Sadly missed - always remember him as the U-Boat Captain in Dad's Army!
Aircraft carrier cuts leave Falklands vulnerable!
Says the commander of 1982 war Major General Julian Thompson.
"Even I'd worked that one out!"
Girl of 10 took cocaine hidden in Pringles tube in her school playground
After her friend found a stash of drugs in a Pringles crisps tube, after a dealer hid the Class A drug in an empty tube of cheese and onion Pringles.
"Once you pop, you just cant stop!"
Peter Mandelson makes his fourth comeback
As Vince Cable and Ed Miliband turn to him for inspiration on promoting growth.
"What growth? Growth in liars insisted they had done nothing improper?"
Remploy factory closures to put 1,700 disabled people out of work
The government announced the closure of two in three of the remaining Remploy factories for disabled workers with the loss of more than 1,700 jobs.
"The Minister's should be ashamed of themselves!"
Programming Language Named "Pusang Iring"
Scheme's new version named "Pusang Iring" is inspired by an excellent professor who mentions cats during classes, according to some programmers.
written by Rocko the Zen Wallaby, 08 March 2012
Exploits Will Grow Every Time His Story Is Told
Many Al-Qaida leaders say that, even though Osama Bin Laden is dead, he will always live on among his people as a Turban Legend.
We Don't Need No Education,/Leave Those Burgers Alone
McDonald's says their orders for the McPink Slime have dropped 90% since the Evening News did their story on it.
Then Add The Increase In The Price Of Oil
A report in the Washington Post today says that US airlines will lose over a five hundred million dollars this year and that's just our luggage.
Sarkozy: France has too many foreigners!
That's fine with me. Let's all stay away from France!
Last Swimmer Cleaned Up & Released
Law officers said goodbye to the last Haitian swimmer to the US that wound up in the BP oil slick. "He will be fine", stated one officer. "BP paid him $10,000. He'll live like a king in Haiti."