Killed 'Last Of The Summer Wine!'
Ex-Star on "Last of the Summer Wine" say show ended after 30+ years because of all the adult diaper breaks.
Flasher Arrested By Traffic Cop
Just retired 56-year-old man in Ohio looks 76 driving his new Jaguar. Penis size looks even shorter!
Cheryl Cole admits to drunk dialling.
I wondered who all those calls were from.
(Thank god it wasn't Ant and Dec)
written by radiogagger, 10 March 2012
Flashlights Come In Handy For Explorers
Spelunkers making way through over 300 miles of underground caves at Mammoth Cave, Kentucky run into Morlocks!
Took Dynamite, Book of Amazing Magic Tricks Anyone Can Do
Flying over primitive people in jungle cut off from mankind, helicopter pilot retires, returns to jungle and becomes king with 12 wives.
Daily Express Latest (Saturday)
New Aspirin Fights Cancer
Madeline: Fresh Evidence Reopens Case.
All they were missing was a Diana conspiracy story for the perfect front page.
written by radiogagger, 10 March 2012
Drunken Dad Blames Cat For Spill!
I coom hom and dat stupid cat caused me to spilt my puke all ober tha rug, honess truth, Hon!"
Missing for weeks, hiker found alive in New Mexico forest!
"We couldn't see him for the trees", says rescuer who found him.
Obama strikes back at GOP critics on gas prices!
"Ain't my fault! Ain't my fault! Ain't my fault! Nyyaaaa! I can't hear you! George Bush! George Bush!!!!"
Annie Lennox Emotional Over Women.
......."I know what you mean luv, I have the same feeling every time I look at page three of the Sun first thing every the morning!"
Falkirk MP Eric Joyce shouted at Police "You can't touch me, I'm a gingerbread MP" on the night he attacked four Tory boy politicians in the House Of Commons bar...leave them funny pills alone Eric!
Unemployment soars to 55%
Unemployment soars to 55% for young black men...prompting the eternal cry; "is it cause I'm black innit?
On the road to Rio
Royal in Rio: the 'ginger minger', Prince Haribo plays beach volleyball on Rio de Janeiro beach..how nice for him I'm so pleased that he is having such a wonderful holiday!!
Romney claims victory in Guam, Northern Marianas!
"It's all over now! Once you get both Guam and the Northern Marianas, you're in like Flynn", says Stephanopoulos!
Firestone Accused Of "Dirty Tricks"
Today, Firestone Tires have recalled over 100,000 Cooper Tires! Say they had received over 2,000 tires before anyone caught on. Company apologizes, returns Cooper tires.
Spanking Guy Fired
TSA agent at airport who was fired for spanking women passengers says that he was only seeing if anything fell out.
Limbaugh Survives Threat
Rush Limbaugh has survived a sack of salt set over the entrance to his studio, Friday. Friends say he only melted about five pounds.
Guy Sure Had The Fans
Al-Qaida has announced that they now have put together "The Best of the Bin Laden" tapes and have already received over five hundred thousand orders the first day.
Meanwhile, Back At The Occupiers
DC Metro creates task force to handle men roaming system groping and masturbating. "Man, we have to have something to do. We're bored to death with this Occupying."
Romney Looks For Votes in Pacific
Almost swept out to sea by strong undercurrent!
UK Government Adopts New Strategy To Target Welfare and Taxation Reforms
'Full financial, and personal details of all UK residents will be published in the Daily Mail,' confirmed a government spokesman.'The readership will then vote to decide how much money each deserves.'
written by Swan Morrison, 10 March 2012
Republicans Release Latest Bumper Stickers
You'll be seeing thousands of cars saying "What Would Reagan Do?"
Amish Lad Shunned
An Amish teen in Pennsylvania has been shunned after elders discover he went goth two years ago.
Poland pulls food suspected of having road salt!
But deny they ever used 'road kill' in any meat products!
Coke, Pepsi to drop level of 'cancer' chemical!
"I know that none of us who ever worked for either company ever drank the stuff", says former worker.
Drew Brees denies knowledge of bounty program!
"He'll find out soon enough next season", says unnamed linebacker.
Quaids To Divorce
Dennis Quaid's 3rd or 4th (he's not quite sure) wife files for divorce in Texas.
Bruce Springsteen performs at the Apollo Theater
Bruce still doing high-energy performance but does take 3-hour break in middle of performance. But that's what the "beachball-in-crowd" is all about.
Smaller crowds challenge Putin after Russia poll
Many disappear completely. Relatives file missing person reports.
Romney Campaigns In The South
Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney was ran out of a southern McDonald's after ordering McHog Jowls and McGrits!
Occupy Wall Street in New York running low on cash!
Ask for handouts from those who have jobs there and are working everyday.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to skip two debt payments!
Other cities react with, "You can do that?"
Romney Tours South
"Morning, y'all." Romney seeks acceptance in South! "How about that first Battle of Bull Run?"
Time To "Spring Forward" One Hour
US warns citizens that it may take some effort to set their clocks ahead one hour tonight as solar flares may keep changing some back.
"Fiji Or Drown?"
Entire Pacific nation could one day move to Fiji. "Fiji Or Bust Or Maybe Drown" signs all over island.
Guv Christie Corrects Student
Governor Chris Christie to 'Idiot' student: 'damn man, I'm governor, could you shut up for a second?' "I'm the head idiot here."
Those Phoenix Lights
Unexplained "Phoenix Lights" explosion caught live on news broadcast! However, aliens say it was just a part of solar flares.
Greece Hooked On Economic Stimulus?
Greece eyes 1 billion euro stimulus from EIB: PM adviser. "Better hurry up with this or it will overlap our next request for bailout."
"Don't Jail Drug Pushers!"
Well known pot head and all around nice guy, Sir Richard Branson says, "Don't Jail Drug Pushers"....how else is a chap going to get his regular supply?
Day Of Action
On Wednesday there will be a reputed 2 million people on the streets not working. In other words, what most politicians do every day!
Lord Lucan's son speaks out: "I haven't seen dad since 1974"
"What a shame... why bother telling us now? Mmmm..."
written by Inchcock, 10 March 2012
America Coming Back?
Obama declares that 'America is coming back'. Maybe, once you're out of office!