PETA Attacks Carnival's Chicken Dancing
Owner of the carnival states, "They must be kidding. Do you realize how many hundred thousand chickens in those housed cages would give their peckers to get to dance?"
Vanna Has Surgery
Vanna White having cosmetic surgery to have that silly grin wiped off her face. "I'm beginning to look like the Joker!"
'X-Files' star opens up about bisexuality
Gillian Anderson reveals that she has had multiple relationships with men, women, aliens.
Bankrupt town considers closing school to save money.
Either that or cut out the high salaries of your public servants who bankrupted the town.
Maher Insults Southern Voters with 'Toothless Tuesday'.
I'll have him to know that many people here in Kentucky have a tooth!
REPORT: John Edwards thinking of having another baby with baby mama.
Who else is he going to have it with, the baby's stroller?
DEM POLLSTER: 'People are stupid'.
And that includes you, Sir....IF you are people. Maybe not.
Obama to 'set up a task force' to look into high gas prices!
Maybe set up two more to see why dogs bark and monkeys throw crap!
Russia: We're happy to sell arms to Assad.
"You can arm rebels and Israel and we can go to war by proxy."
Moroccan girl commits suicide after being forced to marry her rapist.
These things happen everyday. Where is the outcry? Isn't this a lot more important than anything stated by Rush Limbaugh?
BOMB SCARE IN AFGHANISTAN!
Can you believe that that is the lead story on Drudge Report? Now, "No Bomb Scare In Afghanistan" might have gotten me interested.
14 arrested for money laundering.
Bit harsh. I always prefer clean money in my pocket.
Champions League: Bayern Munich 7 Basle 0
The same Basle that beat Manchester United in the group stages. Just Saying.
Gore Doing All He Can!
Former VP Al Gore told a WLAC reporter that he had gained a lot of weight to help block out the sun's dangerous warming of the earth. Gore is rumored to be the new spokesman for the Whooper Burger Co.
Discovery Channel sacks Bear Grylls, Why?
Survivor Bear Grylls has been sacked by Discovery Channel not for drinking bear's pee or eating giant flying insects, NO! He was sacked because he always sung "I will survive" a gay iconic hit!
written by Jaggedone, 14 March 2012
New Mattel Rehab Barbie
The Mattel Company has introduced it's next Barbie Doll for late this year. She's Rehab Barbie which comes with a jail ankle bracelet and a placed bag of powder up her wazzoo!
Man who stated that he saw a bright light that came from a tunnel and it gave him a migraine headache!
British doctors urge against metal hip joints
Especially for those who want to be a babe magnet!
Poland out of step with Europe on climate!
Europeans warn them once again about the tongue-stuck-to-metal-pole thing!
New frog species found in NYC area!
Mayor Bloomberg christens it, "The Subterranean Homesick Frog".
Obamas' gift to Camerons: grill, chef jackets
These were presented by Emeril Lagasse and George Foreman!
Titans' execs leave for expected Manning meeting
Over 100,000 fans meet Peyton with "Welcome Back To Tennessee!" signs!
Latest Weather Forecast
Warm, spring-like weather to last at least into the Spring!
Shark feeding frenzy caught on tape
Photographer criticized for not going to victim's rescue.
Ethiopia's Magnetic Stripes Hold Clues to Ocean Formation
Public response: I think it may come down to Kentucky and Kansas in the final.
Poll: Obama leads all GOP candidates
Which comes one day after yesterday's poll showing that he would lose to any of them.
Afghan Strategy Renewed
Obama, Cameron reaffirm Afghan strategy. There was one awkward moment when each asked, "Now tell me exactly what that is" at the same time.
Last One Did The Trick
Yemen once again broke up crowds of protesters today using water cannons, tasers, rubber bullets and, finally, old photos of Marty Feldman!
Have To Start All Over Again
Scientists today were ready to celebrate the finding of the Missing Link today when they discovered that someone had stolen the whole chain!
Catching Space Junk
In response to falling debris from satellites & astronaut waste circling the Earth, the US Will launch 25 dipsty dumpsters, Britain will send up 50 wheelie bins & Russia super-garbage cans next week.
JLS or JSA?
Youth unemployment at a new record high, meanwhile queue's for both, Britons Got Talent and The X-Factor auditions quadruple!!
WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP 2
President Obama teaches part time UK PM 'Do-Nothing-Dave about Basketball....after ten minutes Dave nods off!
Ol' Man River
Tesco first to raise retirement age to 67, no surprise there really as most staff are worked to death by age 55!!
"Which one's the Dictionary mate?"
The Encyclopedia Britannica is to cease publication after 244 years...a spokesperson added, "no bugger knows how to read any more so what's the point?"
Water water everywhere!
Police may get water cannons to tackle rioters, Toys-R-Us stocking up and hope to sell thousands to the Met Police.
Wherefore art thou?
Shakespeare thief found dead in prison...."Christ, how long had this poor sod been neglected....surely he would have been due for parole centuries ago?"
The Bear Necessities?
TV company 'mysteriously' axes Bear Grylls....if only lord, if only!!
Starbucks now ask for your name when you order so they can write it on your cup and call it out when it's ready.
When I order my usual Latte I tell the barista my name is Mocha. Mocha Macchiato.
written by Roy Turse, 14 March 2012
Sign of Laziness!
Experts say that one way a young lady can tell if she's marrying Mr. Lazyass is if she sees extra clocks in drawers around the house, all with a one-hour difference. "For DST, he just changes clocks."
Too Sleepy Say Tax Cheaters
The IRS claims that the number one reason that people give for turning in a cheating income tax form is that they filled it out the day after they lost an hour's sleep to Daylight Saving Time!
National Lottery take Health Lottery to court!
Who will win?
The lawyers, of course!
Merseyside Latest: Liverpool 3 Everton 0
And that was just dodgy haircuts!
President Obama Becoming Confused?
President hands in his predictions for NCAA Basketball Tournament with the ultimate winner being "Oprah"!
Saudi oil chief pledges to offset shortfalls
After receiving huge package from President Obama rich Hollywood supporters!
Ahmadinejad grilled by hostile Iran parliament
I know a lot of people wanted him dead but....Grilled?
World's Tallest Man, Sultan Kosen, Has Stopped Growing
"Same here!", says Regis.
Fear as death squads hunt Iraq's gays and "emos"
And if you are a gay emo, find a spider hole somewhere until these idiots turn on each other.
Syria violence rages!
Assan seeks Annad answers! Asnan seeks Ansad answers! One asks the other to answer him!
Obama, Cameron catch "March Madness" basketball game
Spending $350,000 of American tax money to take someone to a basketball game is certainly "Madness".
Jobless rates in some swing states at 3-year lows
President Obama asks friends to keep them working until after November election!
Floods spurred by rising seas threaten 5 million
The NRA and Japan ask for big hunting season on whales. "They take up too much ocean water", reasons Whaler.
Obama administration blocks Texas voter ID law
He also plans to remove border guards a week before the general election!
Dick Cheney avoids "dangerous" Canada
Cheney: Did you know that they have a law up there against shooting a person in the face?
Woman Discovers Her Husband's Other Wife on Facebook
"And, NO! I do NOT want to be your 'Friend'"
Disgraced Blagojevich to have final word before prison
"Believe it or not this is my real hair."
Cameron transgresses big time
"What's wrong with cross dressing?!" cried British PM David Cameron as he was led away by Washington police who caught the UK leader, clad in a silk dress, soliciting the busy streets for "trade". Oh!
written by whatinthe world, 14 March 2012
Cameron goes too far
"Where is the sense in this whole thing!" cried British PM David Cameron as he was ejected from a bar in Washington whilst singing sea shanties with a couple of ex-patriate Poms. Mr Cameron get alife.
written by whatinthe world, 14 March 2012
Nottingham is third-worst city for poverty
Nottingham is third-worst city for poverty, says report.
"I was only saying this to my neighbour at the Jobcentre plus offices this morning!"
Bacon sandwiches and fizzy drinks 'take years off your life'
Eating red meat could take years off your life while a fizzy drink a day increases the risk of heart disease.
"With nepotist Cameron in charge here in the UK - it doesn't seem so bad really!"
Scientist's say: Fizzy drinks take years off your life!
"And the cardiac doctor advised me to drink a glass of fizzy tonic water every day - perhaps he doesn't like me?"
Boys destroy 13th century castle - smoking!
Boys destroy 13th century Slovakian castle trying to light cigarettes'
"They say smoking is bad for you - it's not all that good for castles either!"
Petrol to cost £1.50 litre by Easter!
And Wilko's shortcake biscuits have gone up from 39p to 60p!
Susanna Reid: What's the fuss over my cleavage?
"She doesn't have to look at them when she's on the box! - and she does push em out a bit doesn't she?"
Teenage admits killing pensioner in riots!
The 17-year-old punched Richard Mannington Bowes, 68, who his head on the ground.
"Yes.. after seeing CCTV of his hitting the man, then continuing looting! Violent bullying Scum!"
RBS and Lloyds cut 2,000 jobs!
RBS & Lloyds Banking Group, the banks bailed out by the taxpayer, have cut about 2,000 jobs.
"Any executive ones in that lot I wonder?"
I'm afraid, but . .
I fear for my country. and some of my spoofs reflect my concerns. Bad idea, perhaps, but being of strong conviction, I hereby reveal my identity:
John Q Doe
123 Main St
Anywhere, USA 12121
written by waterman, 14 March 2012