U.S. military unveils 'non-lethal' heat ray weapon!
Probably the last thing victims will hear is, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
Santorum calls Romney "very desperate"!
"He only has me tripled in estimated votes!"
Still Believes WMD's Are There
George W. Bush called President Obama yesterday and told him, "If Iran doesn't allow you to inspect their WMD's, invade Iraq!"
Many boomers are becoming nostalgic. "Remember the Shelby Mustangs, Mickey Mantle & Drive-In theaters", you often overhear. Also, "Remember when the only airbag in the car was your wife's mother?"
Dick Van Dyke marries makeup artist at age 86!
Already looks as if he's only 84!
Burroughs Spinning In Grave
"Dr. Seuss' the Lorax" has easily beaten Edgar Rice Burroughs' "John Carter" at the weekend box office!
Suicide by number puzzle
Japanese police have uncovered a suicide club, who commit ritual suicide after failing to complete a number puzzle. The so-called Seppuku Sudoku, may be murder as some of the puzzles are impossible.
written by IainB, 11 March 2012
Cameron reveals Samantha's tattoo
David Cameron has revealed what Samantha's tattoo on the small of her back says.
"It says," he says, "If you're reading this, we're doing it doggy style. Woof."
written by IainB, 11 March 2012
Procto Man Meets The Squealer
Local proctologist tells patient to quit squealing like a pig. "It quit being funny after your first visit and you're scaring those in the waiting room."
If She Had Her Way
Sarah Palin told reporters today that if she had her way, all homo sapiens would be kicked out of the Army immediately!
Should Be Good For 20-30 One-Liners!
Comedy writers fingers itching as Ed Balls pays a visit to Big Dick Cheney! "Dick Cheney Plays Balls For A Patsy!" Hee! Hee! Hee!
George & Laura Bush Update
Laura tells Barbara Walters that the only irritating thing George does is refer to "Little George" as "The Weapon of Mass Destruction"!
Sword Mightier Than Pen
Sword says victory over Pen even sweeter after learning that Pen had already written him off!
Khamenei: It's good that Obama's not thinking war!
"Gives us a lot more time to prepare!"
Schwarzenegger's son injured in US ski accident!
Eighteen-year-old says he'll be fine, after flatening twenty-foot tree!
Annan meets Assad again, says tough to reach deal!
"Especially when you're dealing with a crazy man!"
US military unveils non-lethal heat ray weapon!
Enemy will just WISH he was dead!
Ahmadinejad: Iran doesn't fear bombs and warships!
Western nations: Glad to hear it. Bombs away!
Woman gives birth to almost 14-pound son!
Names him YAHOO WOOHOO!!!!
Ambulance Driving Changed
Older ambulance driver says things have changed a lot over the years when he first drove an ambulance at top speed towards a hospital. "Years ago, drivers pulled over. Now they give you the finger!"
After Beatles Old LP Sales Double!
Ringo Star admits that he himself started the recent "Ringo Is Dead" rumors. Surprisingly, many thought he was already dead.
Wall Street Figures Up!
Good news from Wall Street: 90% of congressmen have now been rehired!
The Spoof Site Strike Enters Third Day!
Stories broken into. Snippets pile up on the streets! Belly Laugh Jokes belly up!
Greece Problems Continue To Mount
Greece officials say their country got into financial trouble by trying to spend their way out of depression. VP Joe Biden responded by saying: "What a bunch of idiots!"
Stand Up For Ed Balls!
Both U.S. and Britain comedians say they would vote for Ed Balls for British Prime Minister.
Iron Man Has Close Call!
Apparently metal thieves almost led to him being crushed and recycled.
According to an updated study, modern human beings bred with neanderthals!
The study last year was updated after scientists careful study of Rush Limbaugh and his latest wife.
Thousands Cancel Vacation's Destination
The State Department has warned against travel to the mountain regions of Afghanistan and the border region between North and South Korea.
Ron Paul Says Legalizing Marijuana Will Save Economy!
"The sales of munchies would go through the roof!"
Chicken McNugget Looking Like George Washington On EBay!
Also, round Meat Ball that looks exactly like Rush Limbaugh also up for bids.
Obama offers disaster aid to Indiana counties hit by tornadoes!
Kentucky asks: "What are we, chopped mountain oysters?"
GOP Hopefuls Look South for Next Contests!
In other words, "Watch your ass!"
Obama: 'I'm Going To Keep Doing Everything I Can To Help You Save Money On Gas'
"Including stopping gas pipeline from Canada, stop most drilling, etc. If you can't afford to drive car, you'll be saving money on gas.
Obama Illegal President: Russia
PRAVDA chides U.S. media for ignoring Sherrif Joe Arpaio investigation.
RICK: Mitt 'doesn't tell the truth'!
MITT: That's a lie! PAUL: THAT'S a lie! NEWT: All liars, everyone of you. OBAMA: GOP lying!
Naked Tour de Peru causes traffic chaos!
Tour de France pro-cyclists went to Peru for naked high altitude training, it seems that it's good for hardening bums on saddles. It also caused traffic chaos because crossing llamas spat at them!
written by Jaggedone, 11 March 2012
Cameron has woman trouble - they don't like him!
Women have been the worst affected by public job losses, bus fare rises and welfare payment cuts, and hate Cameron for it!
"Ah, but only the normal women, the rich women still love him!"
written by Inchcock, 11 March 2012
32-year-old Woman has endured 14 miscarriages!
She said: My first 16 pregnancies ended in heartbreak... now baby Mia is my gift from heaven
"She's keen, I'll give her that!"
written by Inchcock, 11 March 2012
Koran Burning Pastor's New Crusade, Masturbation is Genocide
The Koran Burning Florida Pastor Terry Jones is on a new crusade against masturbation saying, every teenage boys scrotum is a concentration camp for the pre-born and promises to look into the matter.
NEW GOP JOBS PLAN
GOP lawmakers propose a new GOP Jobs Plan which includes firing more teachers to hire government vagina inspectors in response to all the anti-women's health laws being passed in GOP majority states.
Paul Ryan is Really Running for Vice-Jesus
BREAKING NEWS: Paul Ryan actually running for Vice-Jesus and will step down as U.S. Vice President after Romney declares U.S. as the Kingdom of God on Earth.....
Fistfight over seating breaks out at Chicago Symphony Orchestra
Teen gang nearby say "It's those Old Farts! They're high on huffing each others rear ends!"
Man charged over threatening letters sent to US Congress!
"All I said was 'Piss on 'em'. Of course, I do have this horrible social disease."
Missing hiker found with cat in New Mexico forest!
"I thought the little fart would know it's way back home, but NO! Not this cat! He was as lost as I was!"
Santorum Wins Kansas
Rick Santorum victorious in Kansas GOP caucuses. Santorum campaigned the state by flying across it in an hot air balloon with a small girl and a black dog.