Workers Are Abused
Whorehouse workers in Southern California say abuses are systematic! I'm sorry, that should be "Warehouse workers". I'm starting to sound like Rush Limbaugh.
Seconds-apart quakes shake Californians awake!
All over the state you could hear, "OK! OK! I'm getting up. And, look, I've turned off the snooze button. Sheeeee!"
Jimmy Carter Losing It
Former President Carter calls for U.S. air strikes on his Uncle Henry. "He has moved his peanut plantation fence further unto our property once again during the night."
Days Of Our Dealers
A 84year old coke dealer avoided jail because of his age, ill health and the fact he was going to supply the drug to friends. That must be one hell of a retirement home.
written by Backandtotheleft, 05 March 2012
Comedian to enter London 2012 Mayor race
Isn't it bad enough we already have Boris?
Occupiers Getting Ready
Plans are underway for the Occupy Wall Street already for this Spring & Summer. "We plan to make Wall Street look more like Wal-Mart", says one guy in bunny pajamas.
Imogen Thomas in newspapers 'because she's Imogen Thomas'
When will it end?
Al-Qaida Trying Hard To Be Noticed
Al-Qaida has announced that they were responsible for the three failed parked car explosions in NYC yesterday. The CIA answered with, "Say what?"
Katie Price clone splits from Katie Price management
The price is wrong?
BBC Football Focus halted due to fire alarm.
I blame John Terry. Or Luis Suarez.
Woods Still Afraid After Beating?
Tiger Woods nearly had his first big win in two years on the PGA tour yesterday, finishing a close second. Friends say that if Tiger even quits being afraid of his nine-iron, he'll be fully recovered.
Had 50/50 Chance
A Tibetan Monk, who decided to protest Wall Street greed today, tried to set himself on fire by driving a Chevy Volt into the taxi lane.
Better Back Then?
A new study found that cavemen suffered from many of the same things that modern humans have...except "stand-up" comedians.
Be More Specific!
President Obama To Netanyahu: I got your back! Netanyahu: But how far down my back?
2012: Year Of The Protest
Police break up anti-Putin protest in Moscow! Here we go again, folks.
Limbaugh: Libs Have Double-Standard
After hearing that student wants more than an apology, Rush Limbaugh says he will apologize again, IF libs will apologize for names they call Sarah Palin.
Report: Snooki is engaged. Pickle magazine says the pregnant star will marry Jionni LaValle, the father of her child. If it's a boy, she says his name will be "Wooki" and girl, "Nooki".
WSLUT Is On The Air!
Radio Talk Show host in Hot Springs, Arkansas in hot water after calling a slut, Rush Limbaugh!
Time To Head For The Head!
Local man in Harlan, Kentucky says that he always heads for the bathroom when there's a tornado warning, the beginning of an earthquake or a double portion of chili. "They all effect me the same way."
Abramovich has sacked more managers than Villas-Boas had posh hot dinners!
Another head has rolled into the basket of Tsar Rasputin Roman; Andre V-Boas is now headless and didn't even have time to enjoy more posh hot dinners than Roman's list of sacked managers!
written by Jaggedone, 05 March 2012
Limbaugh Rock #2: How Low Can You go?
Rush Limbaugh inadvertedly made another blooper on his show today. Instead of saying "Las Vegas slots" he said "Las Vegas sluts".
Texas Bounty Hunter
A Texas bounty hunter has received his 25th reward for bringing in a wanted criminal. His secret: Google Earth!
Obama Addresses US Troops!
President Obama stated today that the US will not be in Afghanistan much longer. He made the statement while addressing US troops coming back from South Korea.
Advice from A Pro
Former President George W. Bush told Mitt Romney today that he should "loose it up a bit" while he's out there complaining for President!
The Very Latest!
In case you just joined The Spoof on the Pacific Coast this morning: Late last night while you slept, US Navy SEALS took out Godzilla.
New Willie Nelson Fan
Patrons at local bar sick to death of young man just discovering Willie Nelson: "You know he wrote 'Crazy' don't you?" "Yes kid, he wrote it about you!"
Romney's New Slogan
Mitt Romney has announced his latest campaign slogan: "Get A Load Of Mitt!"
Claims Puma Killed Owl
Wildlife official defends photo of himself with slain puma, Northern spotted owl.
Move Over Elvis
Third "appearance" this year of Michael Jackson reported this weekend, this time in Los Angeles.
Tearful Putin thanks supporters after win!
"Some of you sacrificed your whole day going from voting station to voting station!"
Hit A Hole In The Road
Suicide bomber blows up one as he was apparently headed for Islamabad!
Ripley's Say They're Innocent
Heart of Dublin's patron saint taken from church in Dublin. Also, the seventeenth toe from left foot of another saint taken from church in Wales.
Ronnie Corbett admits he was sent to the Priory
You'll never be able to drink Ronnie under the table, because he's got a head start on you (as it were)
Rihanna gets raunchy with Jonathan Ross
Sorry, that should read 'wauncy'
Jessie J cancels gigs in Australia after losing voice
Australia is a big place, lets hope she finds it again.
4.0 Earthquake In San Fran!
A magnitude 4.0 earthquake shook the San Francisco Bay area on Monday, the U.S. Geological Survey reported. "Out here, we call these 'toe tappers'", says Mayor.
Beware Where You Breathe
Study links heavy diesel exhaust, sitting too long in portal potties to lung cancer!
Europe Out Of Intensive Care
Analysis: Out of intensive care, Europe risks chronic illness..staph infection.
McCain Creticizes Limbaugh..Sort Of!
McCain: Limbaugh outburst ha ha ha ha is 'totally unacceptable' Aha Ha Ha!
'Lorax' cleans up at box office with $70.7M debut!
Dr Seuss passes Charles Shultz on list of Dead's Bread List!
Serious Concerns Over Iran Nukes
IAEA has "serious concerns" as Iran boosts nuclear work. Admits that former 'concerns' weren't all that serious.
Russian Election Criticism May Spur Protesters!
"That's OK", says Putin. "I love a good cock fight."
Teaming Up Could Help Economy
Kentucky farmers, Woody Harrelson plan joint venture should hemp be legal to grow once again.
Chelsea website statement on Andre Villas-Boas
"The board would like to record our gratitude for his work and express our disappointment that the relationship has ended so early, but he is still young and has to go back to school".
Dips Still Buying?
Stock futures off on economy concerns, dip buying seen. "No matter what happens", says economist, "there are always some Dips out there who think they know better than everyone else."
Japan Hunts for Escaped Penguin
May have to send out the Bat Signal!
Obama Perfects Speaking Out Both Sides Of Mouth
On eve of pro-sounding Israel meeting, Obama pushes for more Iran dipsydoodle diplomacy.
A flower company is the seventh advertiser to pull its ads from conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh's radio program in reaction to his derogatory comments. NRA ads are set to replace them.
Up thre Poll
In a new YouGov poll two thirds/62% of respondents agreed that 'politicians' tell lies all the time......the other 38% were still locked up and awaiting their morning medication!
Another one bites the dust!
ExTory minister Norman St.John-Stevas dies....how many more to go??
The Tesco supermarket chain to create 20,000 jobs over the next two years....mainly for the unemployed youth of GB who will be on a lesser weekly wage ....who said slavery was dead?
Dad, can you tell me what DNA means?
Don't no anything!
That can't be right - it should be Don't no nothing
written by j.w., 05 March 2012
Teacher fired after assigning violent math problems to third graders!
"If you killed your whole family of four one weekend and another family that looked liked yours but had an extra member, the next weekend, how many would you have killed?"
Thief Accidentally Drinks Acid on Foiled Heist
The thief known as Pah-reh drunk a bottle of hydrochloric acid when trying to steal a pair of slippers on the CWTS News Center. Authorities state this is called karma; the acid was mistaken for water.
written by Rocko the Zen Wallaby, 05 March 2012