Firemen To The Rescue!
British firemen who were just around the block quickly put out Elton John who suddenly flamed up on stage!
Marie Osmond sprinkles when she tinkles on stage
Didn't Alice Cooper or Ozzie used to do that? Or was it taking a crap?
No evidence homemade cannon firing was intentional, D.A. says
"Neither Andy not Goober knew that the old cannon still had a live cannonball in it."
Obama administration blocks Texas voter ID law
"He'll learn not to mess with Texas", says George Bush!
Happy 65th birthday: Romney skips Medicare
Who can figure out all that paperwork, he replies to reporter's questions!
Tit Blames Tat!
200 more Rockets Hit Israel, 23 more Gazans Killed in Return!
4 Amish Arrested on Alcohol Charges After Buggy Hits Cop Car!
Cops asked about horses. "There were no horses. They were pulling the buggy themselves, horsing around!"
Every Little Helps!
In an effort to break through into the disability market, Tesco have introduced the EDIGU dog. A guide dog for dyslexic blind people. Every little helps.
A Boon for Vampires
There has been an increase in the number of vampires since it has been deemed an offence to wear a cross. A spokesman for the UK union of vampires, Dr A.Cula has said that "they are certainly not offended."
Ban on Wearing Cross Causes Hundreds of Jewellers to Close
By calling for a ban on wearing a cross, David Cameron has caused many jewellery manufacturers to close, causing jobless numbers to increase.
It's enough to make anyone CROSS!
Limbaugh Takes The Day Off!
After eating a massive amount of BBQ Ribs and Hot Wings, Rush Limbaugh had to be freed from his broadcasting booth Friday by the jaws of life. There was a substitute broadcasting for him, Monday.
"That's A Big 10-4!"
Just revealed: The trucker name that Elvis Presley had when he drove a truck before becoming a rock star was named, "Hound Dog".
Lost Da Vinci Located?
Art sleuths believe long-lost Da Vinci found in Italy, of all places.
UNC football hit with severe sanctions!
The University of North Carolina will only be able to place ten men on the field next season!
Manning spends more than 6 hours at Cardinals HQ
"First of all, I had to check to see that if I came to Arizona, I wouldn't be deported", stated the three-time-NFL MVP!
Beeb to make a version of China hit TV show; Execution TV!
The Beeb are planning a copy of the tremendously popular Chinese TV hit; Execution TV. It promises to be a sensational "Dead End"!
written by Jaggedone, 12 March 2012
Eric Joyce Quits!!
Assault MP Eric Joyce quits Labour Party....possible future beckons in Hollywood with Vinnie and the 'boys'...and the drinks are free!
Republicans are Conceived via Anal Sex
BREAKING NEWS: Medical researchers have discovered that Republicans are conceived via anal sex. Upon hearing the news DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman said, "well, that explains everything."
New Franklin $100 Bills
The US Treasury will begin making brand new $100 bills that have Ben Franklin in a different pose. "For one thing, it is harder to counterfeit. Plus the Mexican drug lords have most of the old ones."
Liberty and Justice for ALL?
GOP Lawmakers shocked to find out that the line in the Pledge that says, "with liberty and justice for all" is not a multiple choice question. Speaker Boehner said,"even women and minorities,really?"
Clegg floats 'tycoon tax' plan before conference, nothing like a good warm-up act before the show Nick!
BUdget: Labour (sic) tell Osborne to change course, might possibly help if you change the name of the ship as well, after all the Titanic has a strange ring to it George.
I see dead people!
Whitney's daughter: "I still talk to her"...ok, well good luck to that.
Rare treat as Venus and Jupiter cosy up....not in public surely?
Band on the run.
Police told to name criminals on the run....have a heart guys how can you expect an out of breath copper to answer that while he is running flat out?
Texas teens arrested for allegedly stealing Girl Scout cookies, cookie money
"We just looked for the big fat ones", says police officer.
6-year-old Virginia spelling bee champ poised to compete in national contest
After defeating 15-year-old 4th Grader in the finals.
BBC local radio presenter sleeps on the street.
To get a first hand look at life for the homeless.
On BBC local radio wages, he's probably only one step away from being there permanently.
written by radiogagger, 12 March 2012
Police clear Nashville plaza but make no Occupy arrest
"It was easy", says Police Sergeant. "They followed the enchanted banjo player we brought in."
Thousands join anti-government rally in Bangladesh
Also twenty-seven other countries!
Santorum: Convention would give me GOP nomination
Also, Barack Obama four more years in office!
"Catch & Release" Not Working!
Last inmates pardoned by former Mississippi Governor released. Three back within 8 hours after crime wave.
Appalachia Varies It's Income Production
Appalachia banks on natural gas, chemical plants....marijuana hidden within corn crops-grown for whiskey!
US To Brazil: Come On Up!
Brazil's new consumer class flocks to U.S. to buy! Obama: I think I have a half brother there also!
10 die in Egypt while digging for ancient treasures
Ancient curses still as potent as ever!
Daylight savings time: Lost sleep may put heart at risk
Sleeping one hour later may put job at risk!
Love letters reveal Nixon's sensitive side
Thirteen letters only had 50-60 curse words!
Germany's Merkel pays surprise trip to Afghanistan
"At first, I thought they had landed me on the surface of the moon", she confesses.
Suit: NASA specialist axed over Darwin's intelligent design
Specialist doesn't agree with evolution. "I refused to fall down before statue of Darwin!"
US military unveils non-lethal heat ray weapon!
"Men, set your weapons on'Fricassee!'..."
Sarah Palin Adviser Gives Approval!
Former Sarah Palin Adviser Says 'Game Change' Was 'True Enough to Make Me Squirm..Horny!'
Woman Gives Birth To Near 14-Pound Baby
"Mother told me not to marry that Sumo Wrestler! But I thought, 'just as long as he's never on top'..."
Dead heat vs. Romney: Rising gas hurts Obama!
Doctors recommend that he go ahead and release the gas before he has stomach problems. "Just be sure to cut the mike before you cut the fart!"
Tiger Woods Drops Out!
See how easy that is, Ron Paul. Tell the other three to "Kiss It!" and leave like a gentleman.
Hackers claim to have stolen the details of more than 73,000 subscribers to porn site Digital Playground.
The company says that due to concerns about privacy, no new members are being handled at the present time.
written by Roy Turse, 12 March 2012
Spare a copper guv.
Barclays boss sees pay package cut to £6.3m....and with all those household utility bills to pay...he must be worried sick!
You having a laugh mate?
Greece secures biggest debt deal in history....you wanna see how much my wife ran up at Westfield yesterday mate!!!
"Wot, no Onions?"
French President Sarkozy has had to apologise to a Policewoman after his teenage son Louis threw a tomato at her from the Presidentail Palace..."et should 'av been an onion but Carla she use et!"
The Labour Party 'slams' shocking cuts to 999 Police....999!!!...that's a lot of Police to cut in one go, are there any left?
Second class letters taking as much as 11 days to arrive
That's eight days longer than the Royal Mail's target of three working days!
"Wight days? The same amount of day's it took me yo get a GP appointment!"
written by Inchcock, 12 March 2012
Southern Republicans Deem Color of Sky as too Partisan
Southern Republicans deem the color of the sky as too partisan , mandate the color of the sky be re-named Confederate Gray and demands more 75% more cloudy days from the National Weather Service.
Romney Provides Marriage Certificate to Prove Monogamy
Gov. Mitt Romney provided his Marriage Certificate to prove he has only one wife, Evangelical Christians still not convinced.
An act of terrorism failed today in Washington Square Park when a terrorist threw a Molotov Cocktail into Occupiers and a drunk grabbed it and drank it. "BURP! Pardon..."
Peace envoy to Syria is optimistic despite failed talks
We always fail the first dozen times or so.